Rex
Murphy nails it!!!! Sons- means... simply... a person.... according 2
Oxford English Dictonary....
The
National | Oct 3, 2013 | 3:21
Oh
Canada? Oh Rex
Rex
weighs in on the debate about whether to change the national anthem to make it
gender-neutral.
OH
CANADA english / français LARA FABIAN
Asani
perform a unique version of the Canadian national anthem
Asani,
an Aboriginal womens a cappella group from Edmonton, Alberta, present a
stirring rendition of "O, Canada," re-imagined to reflect the myriad
peoples who call Canada their homeland.
The
group Asani hails from Alberta, Canada. They are: Debbie Houle, Sarah
Pocklington, and Sherryl Sewepagahan. Here, Asani performs the Canadian
National Anthem in the groups unique style.
Many
cultures, ethnic identities, and languages flourish in Canada. French, English,
Scottish, and Irish immigrants have maintained their cultural heritage across
generations, as have Aboriginal peoples fiercely determined to preserve their
ways of life in the wake of oppressive colonialism and its injustices. Recent
American, Eastern and Northern European, and Asian immigrants also contribute
to the cultural mosaic. "O, Canada," the Canadian national anthem,
was originally written in French in 1880, and the English version was chosen as
the country's official anthem in 1980.
To
learn more about the Smithsonian Folklife Festival visit www.festival.si.edu
Canadian,
Please - Gunnarolla [Lyrics + Video]
OH
CANADA- CLASSIFIED- hope 2 see this played by Classified in SOCHI WINTER OLYMPICS/PARALYMPICS 2014 - in Russia baby.... it would be so fitting
Canada - Provinces and Territories, flags, coat of arms, name and data:
CHECK THIS SITE 4 OUR CANADA PROVINCES TERRITORIES NATIONS- FLAGS AND COMPLETE HISTORY, POPULATION
http://www.canada4life.ca/
----------------
A True Canadian
It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. "No," says the neighbor. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for final game of the Stanley Cup playoffs and not use it?" The neighbor says "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967." "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head "No, they're all at the funeral."
--------------------
CANADIAN HUMOUR AND SOME CULTURAL MIX 4 AROUND THE WORLD- GET READY 4 US.... AND SMILE AND LAUGH- IT'S THAT KIND OF A DAY EH?
MADE IN CANADA- FEDERAL GOVERNMENT 2003
Our home is the native's land
We pay whatever, our gov-ern-ment demands
Canada's 105 senators gave themselves a pay raise in 2003 along with MP's, bumping up their salaries to about $106,000. The 76 elected Australian senators each make the equivalent of about $83,000 Canadian a year.
-This Information is Courtesy of canada.com
The Senate meets on average for 100 days a year. Senators are allowed to miss 21 days without losing any salary.
Research Grants $30,000.00 per year. Office Budget $20,000.00 per year. Tax Free Expense Allowance $10,100.00
Free business class flights for Senators and their families, as many as 52 return-trip flights a year. Free telephone calls and faxes, and also free postage, at home as well as office. Free gym privileges, private equipment and instructors, subsidized haircuts, dry cleaning, furniture and limousine rides.
Imagine working for a company that has a little more than 300 employees and has the following statistics:
30 have been accused of spousal abuse
9 have been arrested for fraud
14 have been accused of writing bad cheques
95 have directly or indirectly bankrupted businesses
4 have done time for assault
55 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
12 have been arrested on drug related charges
4 have been arrested for shoplifting
16 are currently defendants in lawsuits
62 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year
-Can you guess which organization this is?
-It is the 301 MP's in the Canadian Parliament. The same group that cranks out hundred of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line.
-This Information is Courtesy of The Ottawa Citizen
The Federal Government wasted $853,000.00 over 3 years on motel rooms for the homeless, and they were never even used.
-As seen on: CITY TV News
It's now official the citizens of Canada's largest province will soon have a historic and unprecedented opportunity to overhaul their province's political system by changing the way elections are run. On Monday, March 27, the Government of Ontario made the long-awaited announcement confirming the formation of an Ontario Citizens Assembly on Electoral Reform (OCA).
This Information is Courtesy of Fair Vote Canada
Hydro One chief and CEO Tom Parkinson was paid a salary of $780,000, a bonus of $702,000 and other compensation of $129,630 for a total of $1.6-million in 2005. Amidst a spending scandal he had to quit, but will walk away with at least $3-million in severance pay.
This Information is Courtesy of The Globe and Mail
--------------------------
Miscellaneous Canadian Trivia
Leading exports are: automobile vehicles and parts, machinery and equipment, high technology products, oil, natural gas, metals and forest farm products.
In Canada, if a debt is higher than 25 cents, it is illegal to pay it with pennies.
"O Canada" was proclaimed Canada's national anthem on July 1, 1980, 100 years after it was first sung on June 24, 1880.
Canadian bacon is made the rib-eye of the pork loin.
There are no skunks in Newfoundland
The name Canada dates back to the year 1535. It was used by two American Indians who were traveling with Jacques Cartier to describe Stadacona -- which is now known as Quebec City. Actually, the word they used was "Kanata", which is the Huron-Iroquois word for "village" or "settlement", and Cartier simply repeated the word as Canada. The name stuck.
The world's smallest jail is believed to be in Rodney, Ontario, Canada. It is only 24.3 square meters (about 270 square feet)
------------------
Funny Canadian Jokes
Dear God
A little boy wanted $100.00
very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter to God , CANADA, they
decided to send it to the Prime Minister
The Prime Minister was so amused
that he instructed his secretary to
send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
The Prime Minister thought this would
appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the
$5.00 bill and sat down to write a
thank-you note to God, which read:
Dear God: Thank you very much for
sending the money. However, I noticed
that for some reason you sent it through
OTTAWA, CAN and those assholes
deducted $95.00 in taxes.
------------------
AND... A CANADIAN SMILE
And then God created Canada....
Finally a joke that explains what it's like to be Canadian...
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth,
"For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed;
"What about balance, God? You said there would be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely, "Wait until you see who I'm putting next to them...."
------------------------
A Canadian Journal
Date: Sun, 3 Nov
Ah,yes... O Canada, Our home and native land!
Dear Diary
Aug. 12 - Moved to our new home in Canada. I am so excited. It's so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.
Oct. 14 - Canada -- it is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here!
Nov. 11 - Remembrance Day. Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I love it here!
Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won). When the snow plough came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Canada!
Dec. 12 - More snow last night. The snow plough did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.
Dec. 19 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. It's beautiful here but I'm exhausted from shoveling. F#cking snow plough.
Dec. 22 - More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands and a sore back from shoveling. I think the snow plough hides around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.
Dec. 25 - Merry F#cking Christmas! More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonovabitch who drives the snow plough, I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f#cking ice.
Dec. 27 - More white shit last night. Been inside for three days now except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow plough goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, the car's stuck in a mountain of white crap and it is so frigging cold. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the crap again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
Dec. 28 - That f#cking weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of the crap this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snow plough got stuck up in the road and that bastard came to my door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him that I had already
broken six shovels shoveling out all the crap he had pushed into my driveway, I damn near broke my last one over his f#cking head.
Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on my way back a damned deer ran in front of the car. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those beasts should be killed. The bastards are everywhere. Wish the hunters had
exterminated them all last November.
May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusted out from all that salt they put all over the roads.
May 10 - Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in such a God forsaken place as Canada!
---------------
CANADA
(Jeff Foxworthy and Larry The Cable Guy just had to help with this one....)
Things a Southerner would never say.... (or a Canadian- except for the firearms)
We don't keep firearms in this house.
Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?
You can't feed that to the dog.
I thought Graceland was tacky.
No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.
Wreslin's fake.
Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
We're vegetarians.
Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. Do you think my hair is too big?
I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?
Who's Richard Petty?
Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
Deer heads detract from the decor.
Spitting is such a nasty habit.
I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
Trim the fat off that steak.
Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
The tires on that truck are too big.
I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
Duct tape won't fix that.
I've got it all on a floppy disk.
Unsweetened tea tastes better.
Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
My fiancée, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
Checkmate.
She's too old to be wearing that bikini.
Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
I don't have a favorite college team.
I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
Elvis who?
Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
-------------
Canadian Tourism Humour
The most unusual questions tourists have asked at information bureaus across the country.
**From Tourism Toronto, a toll free info and reservations line
Why do French Canadians have a different accent from other Canadians?
How do I apply for the Canadian Express Card?
What's this Boxing Day in Toronto, do you box on that day?
I heard about that new law and I'd like to find out... uh, my girlfriend would like to know the best places to go topless in Toronto.
Caller: How far is Boston from Toronto?
Counselor: About 900 kilometers, or 565 miles.
Caller: So if I drive using miles, it won't take me as long to get there? Is that what you're saying?
Can I take the subway to Vancouver?
Good afternoon, I'm entertaining some executives, and would like to know where they can ride llamas.
What information do you have on Italy?
-----------------------
**From Check-ln Nova Scotia, the province's toll-free information and reservations number
Do you have automatic bank machines up there?
Are you connected to Greenland?
Can you tell me about the ferry from Halifax to Europe?
Does Nova Scotia have a dress code?
------------
** From Alberta's Banff/Lake Louise tourist bureau
"That's such a lovely flag," said a tourist admiring the Canadian flag. 'Does it come in many colors?"
Visitor: How far is it to Lake Louise?
Staff member: 40 miles
Visitor: How long is the trail?
Staff member: Five kilometers.
Visitor: What's that in English?
At which elevation do the elk change to moose?
Can you book us baseball tickets at the SkyDome tonight? We're driving to Toronto this afternoon.
------------------
** From the information kiosk at Niagara Falls, Ontario
Is the water coming over the falls real?
What time do you turn on the rainbow?
Are the CN Tower and SkyDome within walking distance?
From a tourist who was admiring the falls at night, when they're lit up with various colored lights: What kind of dye do they put in the water to make it change color like that?
How can I parachute over the falls?
I have to be at this address in Vancouver for dinner at 5 o'clock this evening. How much time should I allow myself to drive there?
Why do you Canadians have fireworks tonight? The 4th of July is still a few days away.
Which way do we walk to get to Montreal? We'd like to go there for lunch.
--------------------------
Canada language
How you can spot a Canadian, eh? -Don McGillivray (Ottawa columnist for Southam Newspapers)
How do you tell a Canadian from an American?
It used to be enough to ask him to say the alphabet. When the Canadian got to the end, he'd say "zed" instead of "zee". But 18 years of Sesame Street have taught a lot of Canadian kids to say "zee," and it's starting to sound as natural as it does south of the 49th parallel.
Another test used to be the word "lieutenant". Canadians pronounced it in the British was, "leftenant", while Americans say "lootenant". But American cop shows and army shows and movies have eroded that difference, too.
Canadians have been adopting American spelling as well. They used to put a "u" in words like labour. The main organization in the country, the equivalent of the AFL-CIO, is still officially called the Canadian Labour Congress. But news organizations have been wiping out that distinction by adopting American spelling, mostly to make it easier to use news copy from such agencies as Associated Press without a lot of changes. So it's "Canadian Labor Congress" when the Canadian Press, the national news agency, writes about it.
Some pronunciations, considered true tests of Canadians, are not as reliable as they're thought. Take the word "house" for example. When some Canadians say it, it sounds very Scottish in American ears. Visiting Americans trying to reproduce what they hear usually give the Canadian pronunciation as "hoose".
The same for "out" and "about". The way some Canadians say them sounds like "oot" and "aboot" to many Americans. And when an American says "house" to a Canadian, the Canadian often hears a bit of an "ay" in it, something like "hayouse".
But pronunctiaiton isn't a good test because people from different parts of Canada speak differently. A resident of the Western province of Alberta, where there has been a considerable inflow of settlers from the United States, may sound like a Montanan or a Dakotan.
Then there's the ubiquitous Canadian expression "eh?" - pronounced "ay?" This is a better test because many Canadians tack it on to the end of every assertion to turn it into a question
---------------------------
JOKES ABOUT MIXED COUNTRIES- HEAVEN AND HELL
HEAVEN AND HELL
Hell is a place where ...
all the police are German;
the British are the chefs;
the Norwegians are the singers;
the French are in charge of organization;
the Australians are the lovers;
the Swiss run the navy;
the Americans are the brewers;
the Belgians put up the signposts;
all the comedians are Swedish;
the South Africans are in charge of racial integration;
the only logic is Irish;
the speech therapists are Scottish;
the Ethiopians are in charge of agricultural policy;
the Italians run the armed forces;
the Indians are in charge of birth control;
the tour companies are run by Icelanders;
all the economists are Brazilian;
the Serbs are in charge of human rights;
the Spanish are the road builders;
all the orphanages are run by Romanians;
...and the common language is Dutch;
Heaven is a place where ...
the Germans are in charge of the organization;
all the police are British;
all the environmentalists are Norwegian;
the French are the chefs;
the Swiss are the bankers;
all the salesmen are American;
the Belgians make the chocolate;
the Swedes are the lovers;
the goldmines are run by South Africans;
all the storytellers are Irish;
all the distillers are Scottish;
the opera singers are Italian;
the Danes are the brewers;
all the spices are provided by Indians;
the fishermen are Icelandic;
all the footballers are Brazilian;
the Spanish run the holiday resorts;
and the Dutch are the merchants.
------------------
AND... MORE.... CULTURAL STUFF
Joe Smith starts the day early, having set his alarm clock (made in China), for 600 A.M.
While his coffee pot (made in China) is perking, he puts his blow dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his electric razor (made in China).
He puts on a dress shirt (made in Taiwan), his designer jeans (made in Singapore), and a pair of tennis shoes (made in Korea).
After cooking up some breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in Philippines), he sits down to figure out on his calculator (made in Mexico), how much he can spend today.
After setting his watch (made in Switzerland) to the radio (made in China), he goes out, gets in his car (made in Germany) and goes looking - as he has been for months - for a good paying American job.
At the end of another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decides to relax for a while.
He puts on a pair of sandals (made in China), pours himself a glass of wine (made in France), and turns on his TV (made in Japan)...
... and ponders again why he can't find a good paying North American job.
-----------------
A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(C) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans
(E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
---------------------------
CANADA- WHAT WE WANTED IN EUROPE -
This is what we wanted in Europe:
Swiss salary.
Luxembourg taxes.
German car.
British home.
Spanish girls.
French wine.
Italian food.
Belgian beer.
Austrian mountains.
Danish administration.
And this was the EC's proposal for a Europe after EMU:
Czech salary.
Swedish taxes.
Spanish car.
Belgian home.
Greek girls.
German wine.
British food.
French beer.
Dutch mountains.
Italian administration.
Apparently, when we joined the EMU, the term 'spending a penny' was replaced by 'euronating'.
--------------------------------------
PLAY ON COUNTRIES
Waitress: Hawaii, Mister? You must be Hungary.
Gent: Yes, Siam. And I can't Rumania long, either. Venice lunch ready?
Waitress: I'll Russia table. What are you Ghana Havre? Aix?
Gent: You want Tibet? I prefer Turkey. Can Jamaica cook step on the Gaza bit?
Waitress: Odessa laugh! Alaska, but listen for her Wales.
Gent: I'm not Balkan. Just put a Cuba sugar in my Java.
Waitress: Don't you be Sicily, big boy. Sweden it yourself. I'm only here to Serbia.
Gent: Denmark my check and call the Bosphorus, Egypt me. There's an Eire. I hope he'll Kenya. I don't Bolivia know who I am!
Waitress: Canada noise! I don't Caribbean. You sure Ararat!
Gent: Samoa your wisecracks? What's got India? D'you think this arguing Alps business? Why be so Chile? Be Nice!
Waitress: Don't Kiev me that Boulogne! Alemain do! Spain in the neck. Pay your Czech and don't Kuwait. Ayssinia!
Gent (to himself): I'll come back with my France and Taiwan on Zanzibar is open.
----------------------------------
THE TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH :
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Experience the cynicism of winning the world cup for the first time.
3. You get to eat gourmet food like horse, snails and frog's legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allowing Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride doesn't faze you.
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just poop in the street.
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN :
1. You can have a woman president without electing her.
2. You can spell color wrong and get away with it.
3. You can call Budweiser beer.
4. You can be a crook and still be president.
5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
6. If you can breathe you can get a gun.
7. You can invent a new public holiday every year.
8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy".
10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth. When you're not at all.
TOP 12 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH :
1. Glorious history of killing North American tribes.
2. Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah.
3. Warm beer.
4. Punctuality.
5. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
6. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
7. Union jack underpants.
8. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
9. Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
10. Ditto changing underwear.
11. Beats being Welsh.
12. Or Scottish.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN :
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history... well, till about 400 A.D.
5. Can wear sunglasses inside.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. World's greatest Motorcycles.
10. World's greatest Cars.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH :
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bulls' testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN :
1. Oktoberfest.
2. Wonderful sense of humour.
3. Oktoberfest.
4. World's largest manufacturer of beach towels.
5. Oktoberfest.
6. Sausages.
7. Oktoberfest.
8. Oktoberfest.
9. Oktoberfest.
10. Innate pacifism.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING MEXICAN :
1. Nachos.
2. Tacos.
3. Burritos.
4. Fajitas.
5. Quesadillas.
6. Tamales.
7. Chimichangas.
8. Rellenos.
9. Flautas.
10. Corona.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH:
1. You've got to be kidding, right?!?!?!?
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH :
1. Guinness.
2. Free labour - 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
3. You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
4. Pubs never close.
5. Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you can't have sex with a condom on.
6. No one can ever remember (or remind you of) the night before.
7. Stew (made with Guinness).
8. More Guinness.
9. Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
10. Guinness
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN :
1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3. You can play ice hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN:
1. Know your great-grand-dad was a thieving bastard that no civilized nation on earth wanted.
2. Fosters Lager.
3. Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4. Annihilate England every time you play them at cricket.
5. Tact and sensitivity.
6. Bondi Beach.
7. Other beaches.
8. Liberated attitude to homosexuals (politicians only?)
9. Drinking cold lager on the beach.
10. Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.
-------------------------
One for our Amercian friends.. called
Now U know
A Washington, DC, airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble!
1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. Then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response: click.
3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!"(OMG)
4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the map." (OMG, again!)
5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time." (Aghhhh)
6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33 am.I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.
7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!"
After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?"
9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them."
10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever, smarty!"
11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"
12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" The reply? "Whatever! I knew it was a big animal."
Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in!
--------------------------
CANADA: 4 CATS
This is for Joyce and all my friends who have cats:
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." --Dave Platt
"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast." --Anonymous
"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonymous
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." --Jeff Valdez
"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." --English proverb
"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." --Ellen Perry Berkeley
"One cat just leads to another." --Ernest Hemingway
"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." --Mary Bly
"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." --Joseph Wood Krutch
"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." --Faith Resnick
"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." --Anonymous
"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." --Hippolyte Taine
"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me." --Unknown
"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." --Albert Schweitzer
"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." --Ernest Menaul
"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God." --Anonymous
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." --Colette
"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." --Missy Dizick
"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats." --Colonial American proverb
"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." --Joseph Wood Krutch
"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic." --Anonymous
"My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes." --Anonymous
"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit." --Anonymous
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CANADA - DOGS
No Pets Allowed (this is for Billy C. and Scotty Emerick- and his Dog song)
Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink."
The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."
The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?"
The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK then, come on in."
The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the bar. He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua?!? A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a darn Chihuahua??
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CANADA- ON FAITH
Jesus is Watching You
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.
He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"
"Clarence," said the bird.
"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."
----------------------
An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there was not a God.
He said, "God if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"
Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am God, I'm still waiting"
He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Huge 250-pound rugby player happened to walk by the door and heard what the professor said.
The rugby player walked into the classroom and in the last minute, he walked up, hit the professor full force, and sent him flying off the platform.
The professor got up, obviously shaken and said, "Where did you come from, and why did you do that?"
The football player replied, "God was busy; He sent me!"
-------------------------
(am very proud of my father's Newfoundland heritage... my father's family came to Newfoundland as fishers from France in 1632 to Lawn, Placentia Bay, NFLD.)
I IS A NEWFOUNDLANDER!
Hey
I'm not on pogey,
and I'm not married to my sister.
I don't eat cod fish tree touimesh a day,
well dat's cuz dere ain't no more cod fish left.
I don't own a boat or a sowester,
but I can see a boat from me window.
I don't drink screech,
at least before noon on a weekday anywaysh.
I don't know Gordon Pincent, or Mary Walsh, or Jimmy Flynn, or Rick Mercer,
but I watch Dis Hour Has 22 Minutes every week eh.
I got a premer named Brian Tobin,
he went to war with Spain over sumin called a turbet,
Ain't sure what a turbet acshly,
but I'm damned if I'm gonna let any goy frum Spain come and take dem away frum me.
I ain't the boy that builds da boats,
and I ain't de boy that sails em,
but like I said before I can see a boat from ma window eh.
I don't dance a jig everytime I hear Celtic music,
but I'll do dat Karaokee ting if I got enough Black Forest Beers in me.
I'm still pissed off at Prince Edward Oilasnd,
for buildin at dere bridge and not buildin one out to the rock them stupid spud heads.
And even though he ain't really a Newfie,
I think Stompin Tom Conors should run for Proime Minister.
Newfoundland is the oldest settlement in Nort America,
and the youngest province in confederation,
Oh my grandfudder's still pissed off about dat one,
you don't even wanna talk about Joey Smallwood to grampa.
And even though I lives in fort McMurray,
Lord tunderin Jeshus,
I still tinks that Newfoundland is the best darn province in the cuntry.
My name is Buddy,
and I is a Newfoundlander.
------------------------------
The Canadian Way to Stay Cool In Summer- Creative Canadians Combat Climate Change
Contrary to popular myths and legends, in Canada there are a few weeks of the year when the sun nears the solstice, the permafrost melts, the heat rises, and the miracle of summer occurs. When Canadians experience this sensation of warmth, they often retreat to locations where they are back in their own element (hockey rinks, ice hotels, Costco freezers). But after Canadians overcome the fear of summer, they, like other civilized societies must find ways to combat the heat, however rare the circumstance.
While many are content to turn up the air conditioning or head to cooler climates (Iqaluit, Alert Bay, Superman's Fortress Of Solitude), other resourceful Canadians do their best to adapt to the heat while maintaining comfort and control of their environment.
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Swimming Pools
Swimming pools require a lot of work to maintain, they have a short season, and they're expensive to operate. None of these factors makes owning a swimming pool even remotely worthwhile. Friends with pools are usually pretentious and boring and will force you to drink wine coolers, and public pools are so full of chlorine that it can turn a well-tanned woman into an albino in less than an hour. Instead, Canadians prefer their watersports with water balloons, water sprinklers, and combat squirt weapons filled with ice water.
--------------------
Beergaritas
A beergarita is a beer that has started to freeze and has that semi-frozen ice slush throughout the bottle. Typically this is achieved when you place warm beer in your freezer to cool it off, but you leave it in just a little bit too long. Now, if the beer isn't too frozen, you can pour the slushy beer into a margarita glass (straw optional) and fight the heat with your fancy new beer drink.
------------------------
Kiddies Pools
Kiddies pools, unlike swimming pools are a great source of enjoyment and fun, and sometimes the kids are allowed to use them as well. Now it doesn't make sense to fill a kiddie play pool with beer, but if you keep them in the bottles, half-fill the pool with cold water, and throw in a couple of bags of ice, you will have a nice place to keep the beer cold, and also provide you with a way to cool off your tootsies (those would be your toes). Advanced drinkers can also play a refreshing game of beer bobbing, a challenging activity where one submerges his head in the water to retrieve a beer with his teeth. This game, which requires great tolerance to the cold (a cinch for Canadians), often causes brain-freeze, which usually occurs when you eat ice cream (or beergaritas) too fast.
---------------------
Passive Activities
Nothing will help you keep cooler than doing nothing. While being athletic and active might be good for your health, it's not going to keep you cool, unless you're going to Stick & Puck at the local arena. Instead, stay indoors, preferably in a basement, and watch movies, sports, and infomercials on must-have cooking gadgets. If you watch cool Wintery movies like Ice Age, The Polar Express, or even It's A Wonderful Life, you'll get the impression that it's much colder than it really is, which will help trick you into feeling cooler.
While Canadians may not be entirely acclimatized to the season of Summer, at least there are ways to combat the intrusive heat--even if it's only hot for a few weeks out of the year.
-------------------------
OF COURSE ALL CANADIANS KNOW EACH OTHER
A Canadian Never Forgets A Face
The boom-town country of Canada, stretching 9306 kilometres long, 4634 km wide, and a few kilometers deep, is home to 34 million people. And with the exception of a few landed immigrants, a couple dozen refugees, and a handful of not-so-permanent residents, they all know each other.
This boastful claim of memory retention isn't due to the fact that Canadians are naturally nosy people. While that is partially true, the consistently harsh Northern climate has created certain social necessities. It means that during the next raging blizzard, you might need to ask for an ice-saw or sled dog, and it's easier to borrow from friends than strangers. And when your snowmobile needs a jumpstart, it's comforting to know that the next person who sees you on the side of the snow-covered highway is an acquaintance.
Did you know that because of this Darwinian need for self-preservation, over the centuries Canadians have developed the inherent ability to remember everyone they've ever met? Whether it’s an introduction at a moose barbecue in Moose Jaw, a beaver roast in Bella Coola, or a caribou cookout in Cape Breton, Canadians will always remember a name, a face, and sometimes even an address if it doesn't have too many nines in it.
And when there are no formal introductions, names of family, friends, and acquaintances are passed down by Canadian wisewomen during informal evening ceremonies. Once committed to memory, a Canadian always knows that there is another brother or sister that they can count on to help them in a time of need.
Whether you need a flat tire repaired, a ride home from the pub, or a spare goalie in a beer league hockey match, strong traditions allow Canadians to develop closer bonds than the people from Greece, Lithuania, Upper Volta, Lower Volta, or any Volta in between.
This amazing gift for recollection most notably emerges when traveling Canadians visit foreign countries, like the United States of America. When an American meets another Canuck (what a coincidence that would be!) it only makes sense for the Yank to ask if they know the other Canadian they met two years ago on a golf course in Palm Springs. (note: Many Americans have met Canadians in person, know someone else who has, or at least read about them from the storybooks.)
You'd be forgiven if you thought it to be a mathematical impossibility to identify, let alone remember, one person in 34 million, but yes, Canadians do really know everyone in their own country!
"Why, of course I know Pete from Edmonton," a Canadian would respond when asked by a complete American stranger in Florida. "We’re good friends; we stay in touch. I met him on Polar Hunt Day back in 1995. Say, do you know any other Canadians? How about Rick from Toronto? Or Wayne from Hamilton?
Oh, what about Dave in Vancouver--We went to school together.
----------------------------
Canada
Emergency Beer Kits Save Lives And Parties
Canadians Are Prepared For Any Drinking Emergency
It's a well-known fact that thirsty Canadian drinkers prefer to keep their fridges stocked with copious qualities of cold beer, often dedicating a second refrigerator for this specific purpose. But there are critical times when the beer runs out (usually as the result of an extended sporting event), and a stranded Canadian can't get to the liquor store, cold beer and wine store, or neighbourhood booze can to pick up an extra few dozen Molsons for his close friends (translate: mooching guests). Even properly equipped with a functional snowmobile, ice shoes, and other extreme-weather protection, the helpless Canadian can't combat the chronological factors that don't permit the sale of alcohol after 11pm.
When this happens it is often necessary to use extreme measures--no, not wine coolers--to meet their desperate refreshment needs. Fortunately, most resourceful Canadians own emergency beer kits, brewery-approved supplies that allow them to prepare and serve a form of "substitute" beer during times of crisis and beer shortage (usually these two are same thing).
To date, emergency beer kits have been credited with saving hundreds of parties, barbeques, and playoff gatherings.
The essential elements of these beer kits usually consists of several packages of beer drink crystals (typically 5% alcohol), 2 to 4 litres of bottled water, a beer jug, and a few plastic cups. More sophisticated kits may be comprised of liquid beer extracts, 2 to 4 litres of bottled water, a beer jug with a popular beer brand logo, and a few plastic cups with sports trivia questions printed on the sides.
While they may not taste exactly the same as professionally brewed ales, lagers, and heffenweisseses, emergency beer kit beers can meet the essential requirements of Canadian beer drinkers. While slightly lacking in flavour, most Canadians agree that emergency beer kit beer is still better than white wine, flavoured rum drinks, or champagne cocktails.
It can be difficult to prepare for natural catastrophes, such as when your clumsy best friend accidentally drops the two-four of Labatt's on the porch of your remote country cabin, shattering every bottle in a heart-wrenching sound that echos across the mountains like like a death wail. But with an emergency beer kit or two stored away with your camping supplies, the trip (and your friend's life) doesn't have to end that day.
------------------------
CANADIAN SOLDIER
A Canadian soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and had made it to Southampton, England, there to board a train bound for a few days in London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only seat unoccupied was directly across from a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war-weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Canadians. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?" The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog in the opposite seat.
Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Canadians! Not only are you rude, you are also quite arrogant."
The soldier leaned against the swaying wall of the train and again asked if he might please sit down.
The lady said, "Not only are you Canadians rude and arrogant, you're also very inconsiderate."
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog and tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
While the woman shrieked and railed, demanding that someone defend her and chastise the soldier, an English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Canadians doseem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
-----------------------------
MOUNTIE MESSAGE
Two men are driving through Saskatchewan when they get pulled over by a Mountie.
The Mountie walks up to the car and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver yells, "What the hell was that for?"
The Mountie says, "You're in Saskatchewan son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
The quivering driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The Mountie runs a check on the guys license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The puzzled passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Mountie smacks him with the nightstick too.
The passenger yells, "What'd you do that for?!"
The Mountie says, "Just making your wish come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The Mountie says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, "I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me."
-------------------
HOCKEY LESSONS
At one point during a hockey game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
Then the coach asked, "Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
The coach went on. "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ’a dumb asshole’, is it?’’
Again the little boy agreed.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother..."
---------------------------
THE MEANING OF THE CANADIAN FLAG..
A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London (England) and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".
"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gentleman.
"I hope you won't mind my asking," said the Brit, "but what do the two red bars on your flag represent?"
"Well," replied the Canadian gentlman, "one of the bars stands for the courage and hardiness of our people in settling the cold expanses and broad prairies of our country. The other is for the honesty and integrity for which Canadians are known."
The Brit mulled this over and nodded. Having poor eyesight at his advanced age, and not being familiar with maple leaves, he then asked, "And what's that six-pointed item in the middle of your flag?"
"Oh, that's to remind us of the six words of our national motto," the Canadian lady piped up.
The Brit asked, "And what are those six words?"
The Canadian smiled and replied, "They are 'Don't blame us - we're not Americans.'"
------------------
CANADA- RELIGION
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would work his way across the country from South to North.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read $10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American. He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont saw a sign for Canada and decided to see if Canadians had the same phone. He arrived in OTTAWA, and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "10 cents per call." The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now son, it's a local call".
------------------------
JUST FUN CANADA STUFF
What airline do grizzlies fly?
Bear Canada.
OK, jokes like that aren’t going to get you on Leno or Letterman, but every would-be stand-up comic has to start somewhere, and in elementary classrooms some of these "cool Canadian jokes" could be killers. O’Connor’s jokes have been divided into eight sections. "Wild Canada!" (from which the excerpt was taken) contains 21 riddle-type jokes involving animals.
-------------------
"When Canadians Come a-Knockin’" consists of nine knock-knock jokes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tuque.
Tuque who?
Tuque you by surprise, didn’t I
----------------
Fourteen sports-based jokes are found in "Jokes for Jocks."
What do you get when you cross a great hockey player and a plumber?
Drain Gretzky!
--------------
"Those Crazy Canucks" contains 18 more riddle jokes with a Canadian focus.
Why are Canadian students so smart?
They get a lot of ehs.
-------------
Canadian places provide the focus for another 14 riddle jokes in "From Sea to Silly Sea."
What’s yellow, has red hair and freckles, and lives in PEI?
Banana of Green Gables!
------------------
A Canadianized version of the knucklehead jokes appears in the 17 jokes found in "Oh, You Canucklehead!" section.
Canucklehead: Doctor, my eye hurts every time I drink hot chocolate!
Doctor: Then take the spoon out of the cup first!
Politicians bear the brunt of the half-dozen entries in "Capital Humour."
What do you get when you cross the prime minister with an owl!
Someone who gives a hoot!
What is big and white and found in Vancouver?
A lost polar bear.
Why did the boy climb up a tree with his hockey stick?
Because he wanted to play with the Maple Leafs.
---------------------------
SIGNS THAT YOU MAY BE CANADIAN!
1. You're not offended by the term "HOMO MILK".
2. You understand the phrase "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine on the chesterfield."
3. You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
4. You drink Pop, not Soda.
5. You know that a Mickey and 2-4's mean, "party at the camp, eh!!!"
6. You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, not vacation, with good cigars.
7. You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
8. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
9. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
10. You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.
11. You cried when you heard that "Mr. Dress Up" died recently.
12. You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
13. You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carey, Celine Dion, Matthew Perry and much more are Canadians.
14. You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
15. You know what a toque is.
16. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
17. You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed."
18. You live in a house with no front step, but the door is one meter up from the ground.
19. Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
20. You know that the four seasons mean: winter, still winter, almost winter, and road work.
21. You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.
22. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
23. You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan."
24. You perk up when you hear the theme song from 'Hockey Night in Canada'.
25. You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
26. "Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, "Huh?"
27. You will not ever forget the Olympics 2002, when Canada won gold in both women's and men's hockey. NEVER!
28. You actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all of your Canadian friends!!!! and then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further.
----------------
How Does Wayne Gretzky stay cool?
He sits next to his fans.
-------------------------------------------------
Canada's First Nations
"First Nations people" refers to Status and Non-Status "Indian" peoples in Canada. Many communities also use the term "First Nation" in the name of their community. Currently, there are 615 First Nation communities, which represent more than 50 nations or cultural groups and 50 Aboriginal languages.
More than one million people in Canada identify themselves as an Aboriginal person, or 4% of the population (as of 2006). Fifty-three percent are registered Indians, 30% are Métis, 11% are Non-status Indians and 4% are Inuit. Over half (54%) of Aboriginal people live in urban areas.
Canada- First Nations- Questions children ask...
Children's section- we answer your most frequently-asked questions about Aboriginal peoples.
Are all Aboriginal people in Canada the same?
Not at all! There are three groups: First Nations, Inuit and Métis
How can I tell the different Aboriginal peoples apart?
To be able to recognize which group a person might belong to, you would need to become familiar with Aboriginal cultures, languages and where the different groups can be found in Canada
How can I tell where an Aboriginal person is from?
To be able to recognize which group a person might belong to, you would need to become familiar with Aboriginal cultures, languages and where the different groups can be found in Canada
Do First Nations people all speak the same language?
No way! There are actually 53 different First Nations languages spoken in Canada, and that's without including the different dialects of these languages!
How can I tell where an Aboriginal person is from?
Their name can often give you a good idea, or knowing what part of the country they're from, but the best way is always just to ask them!
Can First Nations people from different groups in Canada understand one another
Some of the 53 languages have common roots, so speakers of these languages can communicate fairly well. Other languages are completely, totally different. For instance, Haida and Mi'kmaq speakers would certainly have to speak English to understand one another.
Do all First Nations people live in First Nations communities?
No. Slightly more than half of all First Nations people in Canada live in towns and cities.
What are pow-wows? Can anyone go to a pow-wow?
Pow-wows today are celebrations of Aboriginal culture, especially dance and music. They are open to anyone who wants to enjoy learning about and experiencing Aboriginal cultures. They are also a good way to meet and talk to Aboriginal people in your area and, of course, to meet old friends and make new ones!
Why are Elders considered to be so special?
Elders are greatly respected for their patience and understanding, their life experiences, and their knowledge of traditional culture and language.
How did Aboriginal people get through the really cold winters in Canada many years ago?
Aboriginal people prepared for the harsh winter season by storing much food and supplies and moving their camps to more sheltered places. They also wore many layers of warmer clothing, a technique now widely used as the most efficient way to keep both warm and dry in cold weather.
Are there any famous Aboriginal people in Canada's history?
Lots of them! A partial list would include the famous leaders Chief Crowfoot (Blackfoot, Alberta) and Joseph Brant (Mohawk, Ontario) as well as television actor Jay Silverheels (Mohawk, Ontario), but there are many, many others.
Do First Nations people still wear feathers, beads, deerskin and things like that?
Some of them do, but only for special ceremonies or for competition dancing at pow-wows. Aboriginal people today dress the same as everyone else.
What do Inuit kids do for fun?
They play traditional Inuit games, as well as most of the same things you probably do for fun.
Why are some First Nations called "bands" and others are called "tribes"?
In Canada, First Nations are sometimes referred to as "bands"; in the United States they are often called "tribes". Many bands today prefer to be called First Nations.
Is the word "reserve" still used for where First Nations people live?
Yes. It describes land set aside by the federal government for Band use.
What kind of houses do Aboriginal people live in? Do they still live in tipis and igloos?
First Nations and Inuit stopped living in traditional dwellings such as tipis, longhouses (First Nations) and igloos (Inuit) many, many years ago. Today, Aboriginal people live in the same kind of houses as everyone else in whatever part of Canada they live in.
Do Inuit still use igloos and dog sleds?
Yes and no. On hunting trips the igloo has mostly been replaced by modern, lightweight tents, although good survival training still teaches how to build one for use in an emergency. The use of dog sleds was discontinued decades ago in favour of snowmobiles, although they are still very popular with tourists in the North!
Do First Nations people still wear long braids?
Some of the men still do, and of course many women do as well, but modern hairstyles are far more common.
Do Inuit still hunt seals and other animals for food? What do Aboriginal people eat?
Some Inuit still hunt for traditional game such as seals and caribou, but except at special feasts, most Inuit and First Nations people shop at the local grocery store and eat the same foods as you!
Canada's Gateway to Aboriginal Heritage...
A Children's site- games etc. love it..
http://www.civilization.ca/cmc/exhibitions/tresors/ethno/ety0102e.shtml
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