How can schools help bullies change their behaviour?
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PIERREFONDS – Students at Greendale Elementary School have discovered that the anti-bullying program called WITS is really helping to deal with being bullied – but there is another side to the story: that of the bully.
Many are wondering whether schools should also focus on trying to help the bully, but how can we intervene and help change behaviour?
At a recent symposium on violence and intimidation in our schools, psychologist Eva de Gosztonyi from the Centre of Excellence for Behaviour Management talked to teachers and school administrators about bullies, their making and their unmaking.
She argued that bullies are vulnerable and need our help.
“The bullies themselves are actually having quite a difficult time,” de Gosztonyi told Global News.
“If we look at the research, we find that children who get involved in bullying behaviour actually have a very difficult time in life.”
POLL: Have you ever been bullied in school?
De Gosztonyi said that she believes that both students who are bullying and being bullied need would be better off if bullies were able to reconnect with their emotions and their empathy.
“We owe it to them . . . to intervene in a way that helps them to recover and regain some of the feelings that they have for other people.”
Her advice for teachers, parents ands society as a whole is to start with our own sense of empathy.
“We need to understand that they are actually protecting themselves,” she said.
“For some reason, because of the circumstances in their life, they have decided that other people can’t keep them safe, so they have to keep themselves safe,” she said.
Children may become more bossy as a result, but more importantly, they lose their feelings for other people.
“They’ve been hurt, but because of the amount they’ve been hurt, they lose their ability to notice when other people are being hurt.”
De Gosztonyi said that it is the responsibility of adults to help all vulnerable children and provide safe places for them to let down their guard and open up to those around them.
“But that isn’t through teaching that they learn that, it’s actually through safe relationships with caring adults.”
Although any trusting adult in their life could take on this role, she recommends that councillors or helpers in the school that the child could be assigned to if they need someone to talk to.
De Gosztonyi is a firm believer in helping children reach their full potential.
“Because these children tend to be a bit bossy and like to be in charge, we try to find natural ways for them to use that.”
She suggests trying to pair these students with a kindergarten teacher or in the school daycare to help with the younger children.
“Then they build a natural relationship with another adult, who sees them as a caring person and not as a child who hurts others.”
How do you find that bullying is dealt with in schools? Share your stories, suggestions and comments in the comments below.
What's in this article?
- Understanding Bullying Behavior
- Helping Kids Stop Bullying
- Tactics to Try
- Starting at Home
- Getting Help
It can be shocking and upsetting to learn that your child has gotten in trouble for picking on others or been labeled a bully.
As difficult as it may be to process this news, it's important to deal with it right away. Whether the bullying is physical or verbal, if it's not stopped it can lead to more aggressive antisocial behavior and interfere with your child's success in school and ability to form and sustain friendships.
In some cases bullying is a part of an ongoing pattern of defiant or aggressive behavior. These kids are likely to need help learning to manage anger and hurt, frustration, or other strong emotions. They may not have the skills they need to cooperate with others. Professional counseling often can help them learn to deal with their feelings, curb their bullying, and improve their social skills.
Some kids who bully at school and in settings with their peers are copying behavior that they see at home. Kids who are exposed to aggressive and unkind interactions in the family often learn to treat others the same way. And kids who are on the receiving end of taunting learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak.
Try to understand the reasons behind your child's behavior. In some cases, kids bully because they have trouble managing strong emotions like anger, frustration, or insecurity. In other cases, kids haven't learned cooperative ways to work out conflicts and understand differences.
As difficult as it may be to process this news, it's important to deal with it right away. Whether the bullying is physical or verbal, if it's not stopped it can lead to more aggressive antisocial behavior and interfere with your child's success in school and ability to form and sustain friendships.Understanding Bullying Behavior
Kids bully for many reasons. Some bully because they feel insecure. Picking on someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker provides a feeling of being more important, popular, or in control. In other cases, kids bully because they simply don't know that it's unacceptable to pick on kids who are different because of size, looks, race, or religion.In some cases bullying is a part of an ongoing pattern of defiant or aggressive behavior. These kids are likely to need help learning to manage anger and hurt, frustration, or other strong emotions. They may not have the skills they need to cooperate with others. Professional counseling often can help them learn to deal with their feelings, curb their bullying, and improve their social skills.
Some kids who bully at school and in settings with their peers are copying behavior that they see at home. Kids who are exposed to aggressive and unkind interactions in the family often learn to treat others the same way. And kids who are on the receiving end of taunting learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak.
Helping Kids Stop Bullying
Let your child know that bullying is unacceptable and that there will be serious consequences at home, school, and in the community if it continues.Try to understand the reasons behind your child's behavior. In some cases, kids bully because they have trouble managing strong emotions like anger, frustration, or insecurity. In other cases, kids haven't learned cooperative ways to work out conflicts and understand differences.
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How A Bully Is Born
There's a fine line between thoughtless or selfish actions and true bullying among young children. Most experts agree that a child crosses the threshold if his actions are intentional and if they occur habitually. Why do some kids choose to inflict physical or emotional pain on others? "Bullies tend to have low self-esteem," says W. Michael Nelson, Ph.D., coauthor of Keeping Your Cool: The Anger Management Workbook, which is designed to help counselors who work with aggressive kids. "They lack empathy and have a need to dominate others."Preschoolers are still mastering basic social skills and figuring out how to manage their own emotions, so their overly assertive actions may simply be a way of testing the boundaries of what?s acceptable. "Teasing and grabbing are part of every little kid's development," says Dr. Swearer. At this age, a kid acts less deliberately and is more likely to torment whichever child is around her at the moment.
By kindergarten, children begin to grasp the concept of social power among their peers, notes Elizabeth K. Englander, Ph.D., director of The Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center at Bridgewater State University. That's when aggressive kids start to actively target others whom they see as vulnerable -- whether it's because they're shy, sensitive, small, or simply different.
Teachers tend to respond differently to a bully depending on his age. In preschool, they make an effort to instill kinder, gentler behavior. But by elementary school, their emphasis shifts toward protecting the victims. However, this overlooks the fact that it's not too late to reform a budding bully, says Dr. Swearer. "Some kids need guidance with conflict resolution well into middle and high school."
While teachers do their best to control bullying, they can't always be there to witness or prevent it. School administrators may not even be aware that bullying is occurring. Victims tend to keep quiet because they fear they might be treated even worse if they tattle. And in some cases, principals simply don't know how to deal with the problem. A recent national poll from the University of Michigan C. S. Mott Children's Hospital found that only 38 percent of parents would award their child's elementary school with an "A" grade when it comes to preventing bullying and violence; 16 percent rated their school a "C"; 6 percent a "D"; and 5 percent gave it a failing mark."
Is Your Kid the Problem?
When your child is the one teasing and threatening, you need to take action right away -- not just for the sake of the victims but to nip this behavior in the bud. If you're unsure, watch for these warning signs:- She's impulsive and gets very angry quickly.
- He takes out his frustration by hitting or pushing other kids.
- She hangs out with other kids who behave aggressively.
- He fights bitterly or physically with his siblings.
- She has difficulty understanding how her actions affect others.
- He gets into trouble at school frequently.
Originally published in the October 2010 issue of Parents magazine.
http://www.parents.com/kids/problems/bullying/bully-proof-your-child-how-to-deal-with-bullies/
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http://info.character.org/blog/bid/150047/Bully-Prevention-Helping-Kids-Cool-Hot-Tempers
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Helping Your Child Learn Responsible Behavior with activities for children
Edited by Theodor Rebarber
IntroductionOur children deserve to learn important lessons from us and to acquire important habits with our help. They need help in learning what matters to us. We want our children to grow up to be responsible adults. We want them to learn to feel, think, and act with respect for themselves and for other people. We want them to pursue their own well-being, while also being considerate of the needs and feelings of others.Today, there is wide recognition that many of our children are not learning to act responsibly while they are young. Studies show that many children see nothing wrong with cheating on tests. Some see nothing wrong with taking things that don't belong to them. If proper attitudes and behavior are not learned early, problems can mushroom with even worse consequences when children are older. As crime has increased, teen-age offenders have shown less and less feeling for their victims. But even for the youngsters who will never commit a crime, it is better to learn responsibility when they are young, rather than when they are older and they have to change bad habits. This booklet focuses on practical suggestions for helping young children appreciate the importance of acting responsibly in their everyday lives. Further, it provides ideas on how to help them make responsible choices, and stick with them, even when doing so is hard and the material rewards are few. Many parents will also want to share with their children deeply held religious and moral convictions as a foundation for ethical behavior. This booklet discusses habits of fairness, respect, courage, honesty, and compassion that responsible people share, and it can be used by parents with different beliefs. As parents, we can give our children the best in us by helping them acquire habits and character traits that they can rely on in their own lives. If we help them lean to take pleasure in thinking and behaving well, they will have the best chance to lead good lives as individuals and as citizens in the community. This will be true no matter what unpleasant situations or bad influences they come across. Back to the Table of Contents What Do We Mean by Responsibility?None of us is born acting responsibly. A responsible character is formed over time. It is made up of our outlook and daily habits associated with feelings, thoughts, and actions. Responsible people act the way they should whether or not anyone is watching. They do so because they understand that it's right and because they have the courage and self-control to act decently, even when tempted to do otherwise.We want our children to appreciate the importance of being responsible. We also want them to develop the habits and strength to act this way in their everyday lives. Learning to be responsible includes learning to
Respect and Compassion for OthersAs part of being responsible, children need to respect and show concern for the well-being of other people. Respect ranges from using basic manners to having compassion for the suffering of others. Compassion is developed by trying to see things from the point of view of others, and learning that their feelings resemble our own.Daddy, why was Grandma crying? She is very sad. One of her closest friends just died. Come and sit with me. Do you remember how you felt when your gerbil, Whiskers, died? I felt sad and lonely. I'm sure Grandma feels that way, too. Maybe you can think of a way to help her. I could give her a hug... That's a great idea! I'm really glad you thought of it. Respect for others also includes the habit of treating people fairly as individuals, regardless of race, sex, or ethnic group. As we mature, respect includes realizing that not all our obligations to others, such as caring for a family member who is sick, are chosen freely. And it includes tolerance for people who do not share our beliefs or likes or dislikes, as long as they do not harm others. These habits are especially important because many of the wrongs people commit result from indifference to the suffering they cause. HonestyHonesty means telling the truth. It means not misleading others for our own benefit. It also means trying to make decisions, especially important ones, on the basis of evidence rather than prejudice. Honesty includes dealing with other people and being honest with ourselves.To understand the importance of being truthful to others, our children need to learn that living together depends on trust. Without honesty, trusting each other becomes impossible. Honesty with ourselves involves faring up to our own mistakes and biases, even when we have to admit them to others. It includes self-criticism. The point is to learn from our errors and to do our best to correct them, not to dwell on them. |
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CourageCourage is taking a position and doing what is right, even at the risk of some loss. It means being neither reckless nor cowardly, but faring up to our duties. It includes physical courage, intellectual courage to make decisions on the basis of evidence, and moral courage to stand up for our principles.Courage does not mean never being afraid. It can involve trying to overcome our fears, such as a fear of the dark. But our children also need to learn that sometimes it is all right to be afraid. Daddy, a man showed us money by the school playground today. What did you do? We ran for the teacher. Why did you do that? We were scared. You and Mommy and our teacher Mrs. Jones said never take anything from grownups we don't know. Run away. Go and tell somebody we know. Good for you. It was right to be scared. Lots of people are nice, but some are very mean. They can hurt you. The mean ones sometimes try to fool people by pretending to be nice. Now, tell me, what did the man look like? Courage becomes especially important by the time children become teenagers. They often have to stand up against peer pressure to do the wrong thing, such as using drugs. Self-ControlSelf-control is the ability to resist inappropriate behavior in order to act responsibly. It relates to all of the different aspects of responsibility mentioned so far, including respect and compassion for others, honesty, and courage. It involves persistence and sticking to long-term commitments. It also includes dealing effectively with emotions, such as anger, and developing patience.Self-RespectPeople with self-respect take satisfaction in appropriate behavior and hard-won accomplishments. They don't need to put others down or have a lot of money in order to respect themselves. People who respect themselves also view selfishness, loss of self-control, recklessness, cowardice, and dishonesty as wrong and unworthy of them. As they mature, if they have learned the lessons of responsibility, they will develop a good conscience to guide them.In addition, people who respect themselves respect their own health and safety. Similarly, they are unwilling to be manipulated by others. Patience or tolerance does not mean allowing others to mistreat us. While we help children have high standards for themselves, we also need to let them know that failure is no embarrassment when we have done our best. For example, losing a game when we have played our best, and our opponents have simply played better, is no disgrace. Back to the Table of Contents How Can Parents Encourage Responsible Behavior?Everyday ExperiencesEspecially when they are young, children learn best about responsibility in concrete situations. What they do and what they witness have lasting effects. Most of the activities described in this book are for you and your child.We are always teaching our children something by our words and actions. They learn from seeing. They learn from hearing. They learn from overhearing. They learn from us, from each other, from other adults, and by themselves. All of us acquire habits by doing things over and over again, whether in learning to play a musical instrument, to pick up after ourselves, to play games and sports, or to share with others. The best way to encourage our children to become responsible is to act as responsibly as we can in their presence. We must genuinely try to be the sort of people we hope they will try to become. We can show them by our words and by our actions that we respect others. We can show them our compassion and concern when others are suffering. They need to see our own self-control, courage, and honesty. They need to learn that we treat ourselves, as well as others, with respect, and that we always try to do our best. As they grow older, they should have the chance to learn why we live as we do. Daddy, why are you leaving that note on the garbage can? There is broken glass inside, Matthew, and I don't want the garbage collectors to get hurt because of me. I am warning them about the glass. Are they your friends? No. I don't know them. But you don't want them to get hurt... As our children watch us daily, as we talk to them, encouraging their questions and trying to answer them thoughtfully, they begin to understand us--and we begin to understand them. Understanding each other well is the best way to teach our children respect for our ideals of good character. Using Literature and StoriesChildren learn about responsibility through many activities, including reading stories. They learn by identifying with individual characters or because the message from a favorite story strikes a particular chord. Children can be touched deeply by good literature, and they may ask to have things read to them again and again.Children can learn all sorts of lessons from stories. They might learn about courage by reading about David standing up to Goliath. Or they might learn the value of persistence and effort from The Little Engine That Could. When they are older, reading can help prepare children for the realities and responsibilities of adulthood. It is usually better for children to read a good book about such things as war, oppression, suicide, or deadly disease before seeing these things up close. When our children grow up they often remember stories that were told to them by family members when they were young. When we tell stories to our children, we should remember old favorites of ours, like The Three Little Pigs, not leaving out a single time the wolf says, "I'LL HUFF, and I'LL PUFF, and I'LL BLOW YOUR HOUSE IN!" Developing Judgment and ThoughtfulnessJudgment on ethical issues is a practical matter. Children develop their capacity for judging what is a responsible act, just as they come to appreciate the meaning of responsibility, through practice. Especially when they are young, children need to see moral questions in terms that are meaningful to them.We can also help our children develop good judgment by talking through complicated situations with them. One way is to help them understand the long-term consequences of different choices. If they tell us about a story they have read, we might ask them to imagine what the result might have been if a favorite character had acted differently. Sometimes, it can be difficult to know the difference between acting bravely and acting recklessly or how to balance duties when they conflict. As parents, we can help by making it clear, through what we do as well as what we say, that it is important in such situations to think carefully and honestly about what should be done, as well as to keep in mind how others will be affected by what we do. Your child's ability to reason about different issues, including ethical ones, will improve as your child matures. Just as reasoning can lead to a more thoughtful understanding of responsibility, or what actions to take in complicated situations, it may also become easier to rationalize selfish or reckless behavior. But if you have helped your young child develop strong habits of considering the welfare of others, honesty, courage, and admiration for worthy accomplishments, your child will have a solid foundation on which to build. Back to the Table of Contents ActivitiesAs parents, sometimes we think that we must set aside particular times or create special situations in order to teach our children. But that is far from the truth when it comes to learning about responsibility. While it is important to have some times together when you won't be disturbed, the most ordinary situations in everyday life are filled with opportunities for sound teaching, if parents pay attention to them.This booklet contains activities to encourage habits of responsibility in your child. Most of them are not, however, the kind of activities that you can do together for half an hour once a week. Instead, they are more like rules of thumb, ideas to build on. They illustrate the concepts introduced in the previous sections. They should stimulate your own thinking and your own ideas. Just remember one thing: teaching our children about responsibility doesn't mean that we can't laugh or that we have to be grim. Our children should see that we can be serious about our principles, while still being able to play and have fun. Dad, can I show you what we did in ballet class today? Sure. It was hard. We had to get way up on our toes and then twirl around like this. Great. Let me try it. . .oops! Now, what's so funny about that? Well, OK. I guess we aren't all as graceful as you are. Back to the Table of Contents Getting To Know OthersChildren need to be shown and taught respect for others. Other people have feelings and hopes, just as we do. We have much to learn from each other from people who live far away and from those who lived long ago.What to do
We can help our children understand that there are often things to learn from those who lived in the past and from those whose lives are different from our own. We can teach our children to behave respectfully toward people and not pre-judge them. Sometimes, however, we must make it clear that some people behave in ways that are harmful, and such behavior should not be tolerated. Back to the Table of Contents Magic Words, Caring DeedsThe magic words are "please" and "thank you." There are other manners we are constantly teaching our children as well.What you'll need
What to do
Children need to learn that little signs of appreciation can be very important to other people. And manners are a part of respecting and caring for the feelings of others. If we turn the chore of learning manners into a game, children will get the practice they need without embarrassing us or themselves. As you teach the importance of manners, you may need to be honest about what your child can expect form others. Mom, why do you make such a fuss when I chew with my mouth open? Because it's ugly for other people to see. Good manners show respect for other people. What's respect? It means caring how other people feel. If I care about them, will they care about me? Not always, Paul. Some people don't care and never will, no matter how kind we are to them. But in our family, we do care. Back to the Table of Contents Gifts From the HeartHave your child give a gift of himself at the next holiday or any time he wants to do something nice for someone else.What you'll need
What To Do
Back to the Table of Contents Honesty, the Best PolicyChildren need to learn that benefiting from manipulating or lying to others is dishonest and unworthy of them.What to do
Back to the Table of Contents There's A Monster In My RoomSometimes our children have needless fears that we can help them overcome.What to do
Back to the Table of Contents BullyChildren should learn not to allow others to mistreat them. At the same time, we want them to learn how to reach understandings peacefully, whenever possible.What to do
Back to the Table of Contents Helping OutOur children need to learn that as they get older and can contribute more, more will be expected of them.What to do
Back to the Table of Contents A Job Well DoneWe need to show our children that we take satisfaction in acting properly and accomplishing difficult tasks.What to do
There are many opportunities to teach self-respect through our actions: Dad, nobody's going to see inside the model's wing. Why do you work so hard with all those little pieces? Because that's the right way to build the plane, Martha. It makes the wing strong when the plane flies, and that's more important than what people see. I want to make the best plane I can. Do you want to help? Back to the Table of Contents Our HeroesMany children love to look at portraits or photographs, especially if you can tell them stories about the people in the pictures.What you'll need
What to do
By stories we tell about the people we admire, we can inspire children and remind them of those qualities we think are important. Back to the Table of Contents Oops!Sometimes, as parents, we don't act the way we should in front of our children.What to do
Back to the Table of Contents Will You Be My FriendOur children need to learn to choose their friends wisely.What to do
Back to the Table of Contents Share a StoryOne important way parents can help their children learn respect for others, self-control, or other aspects of responsibility is through the use of fables or stories. You can read to your child, you can read with your child, and you can encourage your child to read on his own.What you'll need.Good stories, either from books such as those listed in the back of this book or from your own experiences.What to do.
Stories can be good ways to learn important lessons. Your child can identify with characters in meaningful situations without your having to lecture. Back to the Table of Contents Parents and the SchoolsParents need to work with teachers and other parents to ensure that children are brought up well. An African proverb says, "It takes an entire village to raise one child." It is important for parents and other adults to cooperate in order to have common goals for them. Close communication is essential.Parents can visit with teachers to discuss ways they and the school can reinforce the same lessons about good character. Children are less likely to do much homework, for example, if parents let them watch television for hours. Parents can learn from teachers what their children are studying and what interests them. A teacher or school librarian can provide good ideas for activities to do at home. Parents can cooperate with each other, too. They can agree on standards of supervision at parties and on entertainment. Some parents may be free to escort children to museums, libraries, athletic events, and extracurricular school activities, when others are not. Taking turns can provide better opportunities for all the children. Back to the Table of Contents BibliographyIntroductionReading to and reading with children can help them learn responsible behavior. Finding good books, however, requires time and thought. Librarians and teachers can offer valuable assistance. This section is divided into three lists: Beginning (ages 1-6); Intermediate (ages 6-9); and Advanced (ages 9 and up). The age levels overlap and are only rough guides. Please note that some entries have annotations identifying specific habits of character such as courage, self-control, and responsibility. Art and music also can enrich the lives of parents and children. Parents and children can enjoy the illustrations in many of the books listed here. They can find inspiration in the music on carefully chosen records, tapes, and CDs. Audio recordings of the spoken word also can fascinate children and include many dramatic readings, fairy tales, and even whimsy. Magazines, encyclopedias, and a few movies are recommended as well. Films can supplement lessons about responsibility found in the many books listed below. Beginning Ages
Ages 6-9
Advanced Ages 9 and Up
Magazines and Encyclopedias
Other Booklists
AcknowledgementsThis booklet has been made possible with help from the following people who reviewed early drafts, provided materials and suggestions, and generously contributed from their own experience: Ruth Pilsbury, Steven Tigner, Marty Sears, Miriam Marecek, Anne Ilacqua, Lee Delattre, Julie Boothby, April Supple, Judith Schickedanz, Joan Dee, Thomas Culliton, Scott and Victoria Stripling, Roselmina Indrisano, Richard Chambers, John Burkett, Roger Shattuck, Leon Kass, Maria Brisk, William Bennet, Jayne Karsten, Myles Striar, William and Jan Russell, Andrew Oldenqist, Edward Styles Peter Losin, Betsy Speicher, Charles Glenn, Victor Kestenbaum, Charles Griswold, Jane O'Hern, David Kahn, Sydney Eisen, Kevin Ryan, Carolyn Gecan, Gary Edwards, Robert Fullinwinder, Charles Karelis, James Herbert, Mary Minner, and many individuals within the Office of Educational Research and Improvement.Mark Travaglini and Mamie Brown copyedited this book with production assistance from Torey Evans. Jaine Shattan reviewed the bibliography and Michael Patrick Hearn advised on the use of artwork that is in the public domain. Edwin J. Delattre is Dean of Boston University's School of Education, Olin Scholar in Applied Ethics, and Professor of Philosophy in the College of Liberal Arts. He is President Emeritus of St. John's College in Annapolis, MD, and Santa Fe, NM, and the author of two books and numerous articles on ethics in education, business, government, and law enforcement. He holds a B.A. from the University of Virginia and a Ph.D. from the University of Texas at Austin. AliceB. Delattre has worked as a cataloguer at the Tompkins-McCaw library of the Medical College of Virginia Commonwealth University and in the Catalogue Department of the Main Library, University of Texas at Austin, and she has served as a volunteer in the Concord Free Public Library in Concord, Massachusetts. She holds a B.A. from Longwood College in Farmville, Virginia, and did graduate study in library science at The University of Toledo in Toledo, Ohio. Nancy Ione Young drew the cover illustration. Illustrations from classic children's books include: pages 3, 5, and 9 by W.W. Denslow in Thw Onderful Wizard of Oz and pages 20, 26, 30, and 44 by Arthur Rackham in Sleeping BEauty. The illustration of the book on the inside back cover is by Brian A. Griffin. Back to the Table of Contents What We Can Do To Help Our Children Learn
CreditsU.S. Department of EducationRichard W. Riley Secretary Office of Educational Research and Improvement Emerson J. Elliott Acting Assistant Secretary Publication of this book was managed by the Office of Educational Research and Improvement, U.S. Department of Education. Listing of materials and resources in this book should not be construed or interpreted as an endorsement by the Department of any private organization or business listed herein. June 1993 Note: Graphics Omitted for on-line version (as well as notes where graphics would have been) Back to top |
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KINDERGARTEN KIDS
| Bullying: The Problem and How to Deal With It | ||
| By Mary Drecktrah, Ph.D., and Lisa Blaskowski | ||
| Sarah
attends a kindergarten program for four-year-olds. After school, she is bussed
to Sunshine Place, an after school care program. Sarah is a small, quiet child
and has no close friends. She tells her parents she doesn’t want to go to
Sunshine Place but won’t explain why. Betty is also bussed to Sunshine Place
from another school where she attends a kindergarten program for five-year-olds.
Betty likes to sit next to Sarah and make fun of her. Betty calls Sarah “baby”
or “wimpy” when Sarah starts to cry on the bus and at Sunshine Place. After
seeing a quarter Sarah had in her pocket, Betty demanded Sarah give her money
every day. Betty has threatened to hurt Sarah if she tells anyone. This is an
example of verbal bullying. Derek is a small second grader who has difficulty sitting still in the classroom. When Ms. Clark, the physical education instructor, said Derek was as quick as a rabbit, the other kids started calling him “Rabbit”. At recess time, Jason and two of his buddies like to chase Derek, yelling, “Run, Rabbit, run.” When they catch him, they either push him down or kick him. A few times the playground supervisor has intervened, but all four boys say they are just playing and the “game” continues. Derek doesn’t play with the other children so he likes the attention, but he is usually bruised and wishes they wouldn’t hurt him. Sometimes he hides in the bathroom to avoid going outside. This is an example of physical bullying. Definition of Bullying Bullying occurs when another child or children are deliberately mean to someone else several times, weeks, or months at a time. Bullying can be verbal—name calling, teasing, threats, or physical—hitting, pushing, kicking. It can also be indirect by excluding someone from social groups or by spreading stories about someone. Typically, the action is unprovoked and the bully is stronger than the victim. Bullies get a sense of power by picking on others who are emotional and will give in to them. (Barone, 1997; Olweus, 1996; Slaby & Bernstein, 1997). Bullying is nothing new. Statistics from England, Scandinavia, Australia, and the U.S. indicate that bullying is a major social problem. Scandinavia has studied bullying extensively due to a number of suicides in the 1980s. These suicides were a direct result of students being victimized by bullies in their schools. If you read background information on students involved in recent violent incidents in schools, you will find many of these children were victims of bullying and it lead to tragic outcomes. Why don’t we do more about this pervasive problem? Barone (1997) cites four reasons for continuation of bullying. First, many adults consider bullying to be a normal part of growing up. Boys, in particular, are encouraged to stand up to the bully, but unfortunately, the bully rarely backs down so the confrontation leads to more violence. Secondly, adults have become desensitized to bullying and do not even notice it. Movies, video games, and sports all contain violence. Thirdly, other issues and problems outside of education already overwhelm educators. Lastly, teachers and schools may be hesitant to identify bullying as a problem because they do not have the resources to deal with this issue. Extent of the Problem There is a big difference between perceiving a bullying problem by staff who could stop the bullying and children who are the victims of bullies. The authors surveyed two small mid-west elementary schools and a middle school and found that the staff’s perception of bullying was much different from the students’ perception of bullying. At the elementary level, the staff (principals, counselors, secretaries, teachers, etc.) estimated that 7.1 percent of students were bullied compared to 69.6 percent of the elementary students who reported they had been bullied. The definition on both surveys (staff and students) defines bullying as “when another student or group of students is mean to you several times (weeks or months). It can be verbal (name calling, gossiping, ignoring, threats) or physical (hitting, kicking, etc.).” At the middle school level, the staff estimated 8 percent of students had been bullied while 65.7 percent of students reported they had been bullied. This suggests that the staff does not recognize the extent of the bullying problem that students in their school face. Other information from this survey includes that equal numbers of boys and girls (62 percent) report being bullied by others. Craig and Pepler (1996) also reported equal numbers of boys and girls reporting incidents of bullying every seven minutes; however, Remboldt (1994) feels many incidents of bullying are not reported so this may not be an accurate indication of the problem. Of the students who reported being bullied, nearly twice as many students report having been bullied by a boy than by a girl; however, only slightly more than half of the girls reported that a boy rather than a girl had been the aggressor. Past studies by Hazler, Hoover, and Oliver (1991) and Olweus (1993) suggest one in five children attending school are afraid through much of their school day. Emotional IntelligenceIn his book, Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman (1995) defines emotional intelligence as including self-awareness and impulsive control, persistence, zeal and self-motivation, empathy, and social deftness. In early childhood, there is a window of opportunity when parents and schools can nurture and strengthen children’s emotional development. Encouraging emotional development helps children be more successful academically and socially. Children who are able to do what Goleman calls “how to learn” will probably not be the target of bullies. Some of these learned behaviors are confidence in knowing how to solve problems, getting help from adults, self-control of actions, and capacity to communicate with others. Children as Bystanders of Bullying Along with emotional intelligence, a person needs to have empathy for others. It is difficult to treat a person poorly if one knows how his or her actions can affect others. When children see a bully, they should try to help without getting hurt themselves. Sometimes students can suggest something else to do, like playing a game or doing an activity to divert the attention away from the bullying situation. Students need to be taught not to cheer on or even quietly watch a conflict. They need to go to a trusted adult with a friend to tell about the bullying. It’s easier if a child isn’t alone in reporting the incident. What Parents Can Do Research has shown that aggressive behavior is often learned early in life. Parents and family members and others who care for children can help them learn to deal with emotions without using violence. Some of the following suggestions are from A Guide to Safe Schools (1998). As a child’s first teacher, children will imitate what they see their parents do. Set an example for children by treating others with respect and non-violent behavior. Praise children when they solve problems constructively without violence. Teach children that it is better to settle arguments with calm words, not fists or weapons. Avoid physical punishment and violent verbal outbursts as child-rearing methods. With small children, parents need to nurture three important skills: l) empathy, how to understand how someone else feels; 2) control, how to express strong negative feelings like anger and fear; and 3) problem-solving, how to think of consequences and not act impulsively. Make sure your children are supervised so they receive the guidance they need. Know their friends and encourage supervised programs and recreation run by adults you respect. Accompany your children and watch how they get along with others. Teach your child how to respond appropriately when others use insults or threats to deal with anger by hitting. Encourage them to avoid children who behave that way. In addition, help your child develop friendship-making skills. Sarah didn’t know how to make friends, and thus she was vulnerable to a bully like Betty. Once her mother caught Sarah taking money out of her purse, Sarah talked about how Betty teased and threatened her at Sunshine Place and on the bus. Her mother hadn’t realized Sarah didn’t have any friends, and after a conference with Sarah’s teacher, she found out a new girl, Nancy, had moved into Sarah’s class that lived a few houses away. The teacher agreed to seat them close to encourage the friendship, and Sarah’s mother encouraged Sarah to ask Nancy over to play on the weekends. Sarah and Nancy now sit on the bus together. Although Betty was reprimanded, she would occasionally demand money from Sarah. Finally, Sarah stood up to Betty by telling her she wasn’t going to give her any more money. Take time to listen to your child and keep communication lines open. When tucking your child into bed, ask him or her to tell you two good things that happened today and two not-so-good things that happened. Children always seem to have the not-so-good things to tell, which can give parents insight into what is really happening in their child’s life. Parents have to avoid the tendency to solve the problem for their child. Think of ways to help the child use problem-solving skills. It was at bedtime that Derek finally shared his bullying experience with his parents. They were shocked to see how many bruises Derek had on his legs. Derek said he thought the boys chasing him were his friends. After conferencing with his classroom teacher and physical education teacher, Derek’s parents found out Derek’s class was playing soccer in gym class. Ms. Clark said Derek had much potential and would encourage him to play on a team. Some neighborhood friends of Derek’s parents had a fifth-grader, John, who was on a soccer team. They hired him as a sitter on a weekend afternoon, mentioning Derek was interested in soccer. Soon John was teaching Derek how to be a goalie and at noon recess at school John sought Derek out to play with the older boys. Derek’s confidence soared. He was too busy playing soccer at recess time to be bothered by the bullies. Parents need to be consistent about rules and discipline. Involve your children in setting rules and consequences whenever possible. They will then learn to behave in ways that are good for them and others around them. Playing games with the family can teach social skills such as taking turns, winning, and losing. It’s important to set clear limits to aggressive behavior. Get help for your child if you notice disturbing behavior like frequent angry outbursts, excessive fighting and bullying of other children, cruelty to animals, fire setting, and lack of friends. Talk to a trusted professional in your child’s school or your physician. Keep violence out of your home, not only by your behavior but also through the media. Make sure you know what TV shows, movies and video games your children are watching and using. Discuss the violence they see and what serious consequences exist for violent behavior. What Educators Can Do Students should know bullying is unacceptable behavior and will not be tolerated. School should be a safe place for everyone. Help the silent majority stand up to bullies and help victims. Victims need to know they don't need to accommodate a bully with candy or money. Adults in the school have the main responsibility for dealing with bullies in school. A good place to start is with a survey of the school staff and students to determine the extent of the bullying problem. This will give a realistic picture of the bullying situation. Then involve parents, teachers, and students to develop a policy for the school. It could include a recording system for incidents of bullying, a chance for students to discuss bullying, a contact system for parents of both the victims and the bullies when a problem occurs, parent participation, training for staff, intervention programs, and support and protection for victims (Greenbaum, 1987). Many school systems have had great success using a peer mediation system. School staff need to monitor and carefully supervise areas where bullying could take place, like hallways, restrooms, playgrounds, and bus stops. Our survey indicated students and staff agreed that the most common locations for bullying to take place were outside by the school, hallways, and on the bus. What may look like accidental pushing or hitting may be very deliberate. The staff may need training to know what to look for while supervising. School staff need to teach social skills associated with bullying, particularly for victims in knowing what to do. Some points to include would be:
ConclusionSchools should be safe places for everyone.Bullying should not be part of a student’s school experience like it was for Sarah and Derek. When parents and educators work together, it will benefit everyone and students will grow up to be caring and productive citizens. Mary Drecktrah, Ph.D., is an assistant professor in the special education department at the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh. Lisa Blaskowski is a student in the special education department at the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh. Characteristics of the BullyRecommended Children’s Book on Bullying: Berenstain, S. & J. (1993).The Berenstain Bears and the Bully. New York: Random House. Brother Bear teaches Sister Bear to defend herself against a bully and discovers why the bully acts that way. Cole, J.(1989). Bully Trouble. New York: Random House. Arlo and Robby get back at the bully, Eddie, by giving him a hot chili sandwich. Dadey, D. (1993). King of Kooties. Louisa bullies Donald who just moved to town by saying he has kooties, but Donald solves his problem by asking Louisa to be a Kootie Princess and to be her friend. Howe, J. (1996). Pinky and Rex and the Bully. New York: Alladin. A neighbor lady helps a boy who is bullied because he likes pink and has a friend called Pinky. Mayer, M. (1989). Just a Daydream. New York: Golden Book. Little Critter shows what he would do if he were a Super Critter to handle a bully in the neighborhood. Petty, K. & Firmin, C. (1991). Being Bullied. New York: Barrons. Rita learns to handle Bella, a bully, and eventually is a friend to her. References Aliki. (1984). Feelings.New York: Greenwillow Books. Barone, F.J. (1997). Bullying in school: It doesn’t have to happen. Phi Delta Kappa, 80-82. Batsche, G.M. & Knoff, H.M. (1994). Bullies and their victims: Understanding a pervasive problem in the schools.School Psychology Review, 23, 165-174. Craig, W. & Pepler, D.J. (1996). Understanding bullying at school:What can be done about it? Seattle, WA: Safe by Design, Committee on Children. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence.NY: Bantam Books. Greenbaum, S. (1987). What can be done about schoolyard bullying?Principal,21-24. Hazler, R.D., Hoover, J.H. & Oliver, R. (1991). Student perceptions of victimization by bullies in schools. Journal of Humanistic Education and Development, 29, 143-150. Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying at school: What we know and what we can do. Oxford, UK: Blackwell Publishers. Olweus, D. (1994). Bullying at school: Long-term outcomes for victims and an effective school-based intervention program.In L.R. Huesman (Ed.), Aggressive behavior: Current perspectives (pp. 97-130).New York: Wiley. Olweus, D. (1996). Bully/victim problems at school: Facts and effective intervention. National Education Service, 5 (1), 15-22. Remboldt, C. (1994). Violence in schools: The enabling factor. Minneapolis, MN: Johnson Institute. Slaby, R.G. & Bernstein, J.Y. (1997), Bullying: It’s not O.K. Boston, MA: Massachusetts Medical Society. U.S. Department of Education.(1998), A guide to safe schools: Early warning timely response. Washington, DC: Author. |
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Out of Australia
What you can do to stop bullies - Be a supportive bystander: Violence, Harassment and Bullying Fact sheet
If you are being bullied or know or see someone being bullied, it is important that you read this fact sheet to find out how to be a supportive bystander. If you are being bullied and need help please contact a support service.
A bystander is someone who sees or knows about bullying or other forms of violence that is happening to someone else.
Bystanders can be either part of the bullying problem or an important part of the solution to stop bullying.
Bystanders can act in different ways when they see or know about bullying:
- Some bystanders take the side of the bully by laughing at the victim, encouraging the bully or by passing on text messages or messages on social media sites like Facebook and YouTube
- Some bystanders will give silent approval or encourage the bully by looking on
- Some bystanders may watch or know about the bullying but don’t do anything. They may not know what to do or are scared. This group of bystanders knows that bullying is not ok.
- Some bystanders will be supportive and take safe action to stop the bully, find help or support the victim
A supportive bystander will use words and/or actions that can help someone who is being bullied.
If bystanders are confident to take safe and effective action to support victims then there is a greater possibility that bullying can stop and the person who is bullied can recover.
People respect those that stand up for others who are bullied but being a supportive bystander can be tough. Sometimes it is not easy to work out how to help safely because bullying happens in different ways and places such as online, at work or school.
There is no one size fits all approach to being a supportive bystander. For supportive bystanders to take safe and effective action here are some suggestions:
- Make it clear to your friends that you won’t be involved in bullying behaviour
- Never stand by and watch or encourage bullying behaviour
- Do not harass, tease or spread gossip about others, this includes on social networking sites like Facebook
- Never forward on or respond to messages or photos that may be offensive or upsetting
- Support the person who is being bullied to ask for help e.g. go with them to a place they can get help or provide them with information about where to go for help
- Report it to someone in authority or someone you trust e.g. at school to a teacher, or a school counsellor; at work to a manager; if the bullying is serious, report it to the police; if the bullying occurs on Facebook, report it to Facebook.
Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) is a free and confidential, telephone counseling service for 5 to 25 year olds in Australia. http://www.kidshelp.com.au/
Lifeline (13 11 14) is a free and confidential service staffed by trained telephone counsellors. http://www.lifeline.org.au
The Australian Human Rights Commission (1300 656 419) has a complaint handling service that may investigate complaints of discrimination, harassment and bullying http://www.humanrights.gov.au/complaints_information/index.html
Other useful resourcesDownload the Cyber-safety Help Button, a free Australian Government initiative, designed to keep children and families safe online.
http://www.dcbde.gov.au/helpbutton
To find out about cyberbullying and how to get help you can also go to the Australian Communications and Media Authority (ACMA) Cybersmart Program
http://www.cybersmart.gov.au/report.aspx
National Centre Against Bullying
http://www.ncab.org.au
The Australian Human Rights Commission has information on cyber racism and actions that can be taken to report cyber racism.
http://www.humanrights.gov.au/racial_discrimination/publications/cyberracism_factsheet.html
Think U Know conducts internet safety programs and provides advice for teachers,parents and carers.
http://www.thinkuknow.org.au/site/
Bullying No Way provides support and information for school communities.
http://www.bullyingnoway.com.au/
This fact sheet was developed in partnership with the ReachOut.com, 2011
https://www.humanrights.gov.au/what-you-can-do-stop-bullies-be-supportive-bystander-violence-harassment-and-bullying-fact-sheet
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out of USA
Making Children, Families, and Communities Safer from Violence
It’s time to stop the violence . . . that is killing our children and our communities. It’s time to help each other build neighborhoods where each of us kids, teens, adults can feel safe and secure from crime. A tough task? Yes, but it’s a challenge that each of us can do something about. We can reclaim our communities child by child, family by family, neighborhood by neighborhood. This booklet explains some of the many ways you can help. You can do a lot in your home, in your neighborhood, and throughout your community. Why accept this challenge? Because every child deserves a safe and healthy childhood. Because no community can afford the costs of violence. Because a healthier, safer community benefits each of us. Because failing to act costs lives and resources. Because our children should not have to raise their children amid violence. Because if we don’t stop it, no one will.It’s everyone’s business
Violence holds victims, families, friends, and neighborhoods hostage. It rips communities apart or prevents them from coming together. Violence takes many forms. Assaults, rapes, robberies, and homicides are directly violent, but crimes like burglary are often cloaked in violence and cause sometimes-paralyzing fear.
Violence is not just about attacks by strangers. In about half the rapes in this country, the rapist knew the victim. In more than half the murders, the murderer and victim knew each other. Assaults are more likely between people who know each other than between strangers. Domestic violence wrenches apart millions of families each year. Child abuse, overwhelmingly involving someone close to the child, hurts more than a million children a year. Only robberies more commonly involve strangers than acquaintances.
Weapons are part of the problem. They make violence more deadly and less personal. Nine out of ten murders involve a weapon; eight of ten involve a firearm. Most robberies involve the use of a weapon, most frequently a gun. One in five children has reported taking a weapon of some kind to school, most often for self-protection against others whom they believe have weapons.
But weapons are only part of the story. Attitudes, emotions, and reactions are just as important. Without working on all aspects of the issue, you can make only limited progress.
Why go beyond protecting yourself and your family? Because violence penetrates schools, workplaces, and public spaces. It sucks the life out of communities everywhere.
Even if you’re safe from harm, violence still robs you. The costs of violence are enormous. The annual cost of caring for gunshot victims is more than $14 billion. The costs of private security measures, including those against violence, is estimated at $65 billion a year. Violent crime is responsible for much of the $90 billion a year it costs to run our criminal justice system.
Can we stop violence? Yes. Strictly enforced policies against weapons in schools have helped restore a sense of calm in many classrooms. Conflict management courses have taught elementary school children to fight less and negotiate more. Concerted community efforts have reduced or prevented gangs and the violence they bring. But these things only happened because someone did something.
What you can do
Work with your family, in your neighborhood, and in your community. Pick a place to start where you are comfortable.
Recognize that violence has many causes. Some are immediate—a specific argument, easy availability of a weapon, a situation in which an aggressor thinks violence will bring quick rewards, an anger that sees no other outlet. Some are less direct for example, a community tolerance of high violence levels, reinforced by news and entertainment media. Some are individual inability to see another way to settle disagreements, for instance. Some involve situations such as peer pressure that measures or boosts self-esteem through violence.
No one needs to confront all these aspects of violence at once. The point is, there’s something everyone can do.
The residents of Seattle, Washington, led by their mayor, have launched a citywide campaign against violence. One key element is Partners Against Youth Violence a coalition of more than two dozen agencies and organizations seeking "to prevent youth gun violence by educating the community, specifically young people and their parents, about the consequences of youth gun possession and related gun violence." Partners include a major local hospital, crisis clinics, school administrators, several civic and professional groups, the prosecutor’s office, the city council, the state medical association, and the police department’s crime prevention, youth, D.A.R.E., and school safety units.
Buttressed by local statistics on youth homicides and gun-related injuries, the program points out that almost four of ten unnatural deaths among youth are from gunshot wounds, and that gunfire is the second-leading cause of death for area youth. The "Options, Choices, and Consequences" program has been developed using local statistics, local laws, and local experts to teach adults and teens the legal and medical consequences of illegal firearms possession and use. Several partner organizations are training community volunteers to conduct these programs.
The police department has agreed to strengthen investigation and prosecution of those suspected of selling guns illegally to youth; to investigate and help prosecute youth who illegally possess handguns; to support the youth and adult education programs; to build parent and community awareness of youth violence; and to dedicate extra prevention and enforcement efforts in parts of the city where levels of youth gun violence are high.
Washington State University has researched the violence issue on behalf of the partners and identified interventions and alternatives to violence that have proved effective elsewhere. Its findings supported the partners’ approach of using multiple strategies including school-based curriculum, outreach to parents, a media campaign, and firearms regulation and enforcement with hard evidence.
By investing time in recruiting partner organizations, identifying local conditions and needs, researching effective approaches, and designing activities that invest partners and enlist even more members of the community younger and older Seattle has launched a thoughtful, tailored, flexible initiative to address a difficult problem.
Helping self and family
Making self and family safer from violence is, for most of us, the highest priority. Work with your own children, with other kids you care about, and with teens and adults you care about to reduce the risk that you or someone you love will fall victim to violence.
Think long and hard about having weapons, especially firearms, in your home. Studies show that a firearm in the home is more than forty times as likely to hurt or kill a family member as to stop a crime. A gun in the home increases the likelihood of homicide three times and the likelihood of suicide five times. More than a quarter of a million firearms are stolen and possibly used in other crimes every year.
If you do keep a firearm in your home,
1.Ensure that you are trained and that everyone else—adult and child—is fully trained in firearms safety. Refresh that training at least once a year.
2.Make certain that the weapon is safely stored, unloaded, trigger-locked, and in a locked gun case or pistol box, with ammunition separately locked and with different keys for all locks. Store keys out of reach of children, in locations away from weapons and ammunition.
3.Check frequently to make sure that storage is secure. Follow all federal, state, and local laws about storage, registration, carrying, and use.
No one wants to see children victimized by violence. No one wants to see kids hurt others. Talking with your kids can be a powerful anti-violence weapon, especially when combined with your actions as a positive role model.
Make it clear that you do not approve of violence as a way to handle anger or solve problems.
Do your best to match your actions to your words.
Start early.
Even very young children can learn not to hit, kick, or bite. Discipline without threatening violence. "Time outs," removal of privileges, restrictions, and similar penalties are successful, violence-free strategies that many parents have used, even with preschoolers.
Use the world around you.
As children get older, help them learn to think about the real consequences of violent events and entertainment. Ask how else a conflict might have been settled, what the angry person might have done instead, what unseen or unspoken consequences violence might have.
Listen carefully, openly, and constructively.Sometimes it’s difficult for adults to know how to react when children approach them about a real or possible danger. You may be a neighbor, an aunt or uncle, or a grown-up who happens to be nearby. Suddenly a child comes to tell you something’s wrong. How can you handle it helpfully?
Letting children lay out their thoughts about violence helps them learn how to think through this and other issues.
Listen carefully. The child may be excited, nervous, or scared. Repeat what you’ve heard to make sure you understand clearly. Kneel down if necessary to communicate at the child’s height. Take it seriously. Children don’t casually ask for help out of the blue. Even if it’s not a serious problem to you, it probably is from the child’s view. Act promptly.
If the child has found a weapon or a possible weapon or describes some other immediate danger; go to the scene at once, if you’re not putting yourself at risk.
Get help if necessary.
Call police if you find a weapon, even if it might be a toy. Call other professionals (such as fire department, child protection services, public works department) if the situation warrants. If it turns out to be a "false alarm," reassure the child that telling a grown-up was a smart thing to do.
Make sure that your children know what to do if they ever find a firearm or something that might be a weapon stop, don’t touch, get away, and tell a trusted adult.
Teach your children ways to handle conflicts and problems without using force. Act as a role model for them. Handle disagreements with other adults, including those close to you, in nonviolent ways. You can learn more by checking with your library, a school counselor, the pediatrician, mental health association, or neighborhood dispute resolution center.
Discourage name-calling and teasing. These can easily get out of hand, moving all too quickly from "just words" to fists, knives, and even firearms. Teach children that bullying is wrong; help them learn to say "no" to bullies and to get adult help with the situation if need be. Remember that words can hurt as much as a fist.
Take a hard look at what you, your family, and your friends watch and listen to for entertainment—from action movies to cop shows, from soap operas to situation comedies, from video games to music lyrics. What values are they teaching? Do they make violence appear exciting, humorous, or glamorous? How do characters solve problems? Are the real-life consequences of violence clear? Watch TV with your children; talk about how violence is handled in shows and what each of you did and didn’t like. Set clear limits on viewing and provide active, positive alternatives for free time.
Teach children basic strategies for personal safety to prevent violence and reduce their risk of victimization.
1.Help them learn and practice common courtesies. "Please," "thank you," "excuse me," and "I’m sorry" help ease tensions that can lead to violence.
2.Emphasize the importance of being drug free. Research shows use of alcohol and other drugs is closely linked with violence, including the use of guns and other weapons.
3.Encourage children to stick with friends who steer clear of violence and drugs. Make your home a comfortable place for these kids to gather; help them find positive, enjoyable things to do.
4.Remind children of simple self-protection rules not to go anywhere with someone they (and you) don’t know and trust; how and when to respond to phone calls and visitors if you are unavailable, how to deal with adults (or other children) who approach or touch them inappropriately, what are safe routes to favorite neighborhood destinations.
5.Rehearse what to do in urgent situations, like finding a weapon or being approached inappropriately by a stranger or seeing something wrong happen.
Help your children to both learn and practice ways to keep arguments from becoming violent.
It started in a Minneapolis suburb. Two people wondered what it would be like if, for one day, everyone would just refuse to be entertained by violence. No violent music, no violent movies or videos or TV shows or computer games. The idea grew quickly. Within a year, Turn Off the Violence Day has spread throughout the metropolitan area. Schools, police departments, mental and public health agencies, religious groups, and businesses joined in. Within three years, it had gained national attention and communities around the country picked up on the theme. No censorship is involved. Each individual decides what he or she should avoid. What emerges is thoughtful discussion of how violent messages can shape our thinking and a new awareness of the way violent ideas can creep into our daily lives.
Young people in Oakland and Los Angeles, California, realized that they could be a powerful force to educate their peers about the costs of gun violence, ways to prevent it, and how to spread the word that gun violence is not cool. Teens on Target, all of whose members have been touched by firearms violence, train others their age and younger in preventing firearms violence, work on promoting positive alternatives and opportunities, and educate adults in the community about what they believe is required to reduce firearms deaths and injuries. "Our solution," one youth explained, "is to give opportunities to young people so they won’t even want to use guns." Speaking from personal experience, these teens bring zeal and commitment to their task and credibility to their messages. They reach and teach thousands of youth and adults annually. The program gets support from a statewide anti-violence agency, YOUTH ALIVE!
Use news reports and other everyday examples to help older children learn how violence affects the community and their own lives. Let them know that teens are more frequently victimized by crimes, both violent crimes and property crimes, than any other age group. Help them think about the costs of crime and the benefits of prevention.
Encourage young people to tackle the problem. Urge them to find out:
1.How they can learn simple strategies to prevent crime against themselves and their friends;
2.How groups can settle disagreements without using fists or weapons; and
3.What drug-free, alcohol-free positive activities are available for teens and how these can be improved to attract even more young people.
Building a safer neighborhood
We and our families cannot be safe if our neighborhoods are riddled with violence. Research shows that there’s less crime where communities are working together. Help your neighborhood become or stay healthy.
Get to know your neighbors. You can’t do it alone.
Start, join, or reactivate a Neighborhood Watch or Block Watch. Include discussions of ways neighbors can watch out for situations that might involve children in or threaten them with violence. Consider starting a formal block parent program such as McGruff House so that children will have reliable, recognizable places to go in the neighborhood, if they feel threatened, bullied, or scared.
Talk with other adults in the neighborhood about how fights among children should be handled. Who should step in? How? Under what conditions? Make sure children in the neighborhood know that adults are prepared to help stop any form of violence.
Share information on basic child protection from this booklet or other good sources. Help each other learn about signs of drug abuse and gangs, along with where to go for help in your community to address these problems.
Agree on what a "trusted adult" will do for children in the neighborhood in case of troubling situations—being threatened, finding a gun or drugs, being approached by a stranger.
Get to know and encourage the kids in your neighborhood. Many young people say that carrying weapons gives them a sense of power, a sense you can help them get in far more positive ways.
Many communities have information and referral services that keep extensive records of the government and nongovernment groups that can help address neighborhood issues. These are usually listed in the telephone directory. United Way and similar groups sometimes operate referral services. Local taxpayer and civic associations can often provide information.
It’s smart to find out in advance who can help with such issues as abandoned cars, dangerous intersections, broken or inadequate lighting, over-grown or littered vacant lots, deteriorated housing, and the like.
A group of mothers in Richmond, Washington, decided that by working with other mothers around the country they could help stop the violence that was taking away their children’s freedom even their lives. They organized Mothers Against Violence in America (MAVIA) and began educating themselves and others, asking for policy changes and working with others in the community who shared their goals. Teenagers formed school-based groups Students Against Violence Everywhere (SAVE) that not only promote nonviolent ways to handle anger and conflict in school settings, but stage violence-free Teen Nights, hold anti-violence poster contests, host forums and speakouts against violence, and sponsor country-wide anti-violence planning conferences.
In Hartford, Connecticut, the city’s nine branch libraries have become part of the solution to violence problems. Each branch has taken up the challenge to become a center of positive activity for kids in its neighborhood, including acting as homework centers. No new funds were used—libraries were asked to refocus existing resources to tackle this neighborhood need.
Work together to establish safe conditions in your neighborhood—a physical environment that doesn’t invite crime or offer opportunities for violence to brew. With a group of neighbors, scan streets, yards, alleys, playgrounds, ball fields, parks, and other areas. Look with a child’s eye; even invite some children to go with you. Ask your police department or sheriff’s office if they’ll provide pointers or other help.
1.Look for things like overgrown lots, abandoned vehicles or appliances, public play areas blocked form public view, intersections and streets that need lighting or traffic control improvements, unsafe equipment or structures, abandoned buildings, hazards in nearby businesses or commercial areas, and signs of vandalism, especially graffiti.
2.Talk with children in the neighborhood about what worries or scares them and about where and how they have felt threatened by violence. Interview teachers, school staff, crossing guards, and bus aides. Add these concerns to your list.
3.Look around to see what happens to kids between 3:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. Are there supervised programs for younger children? Opportunities for teens and preteens to work with children, help retirees, tackle neighborhood problems, get or give help with homework? After-school programs in many areas are located in schools themselves, known most often as Safe Havens or Beacon Schools.
4.Work with your neighbors; with the police or sheriff’s department and other government agencies like parks, transportation, public works, and highways; and with local elected officials to get dangerous conditions corrected. Recheck the neighborhood periodically at least once a year to catch new conditions that need attention.
5.Start a discussion of neighborhood views on weapons in the home, use of toy weapons by children in play, children and violent entertainment, and how arguments should be settled. Knowing that parents agree on what’s acceptable makes it easier to insist on these standards for all children. If some people hold different views, at least be clear about what rules you’ll enforce in your home and for your children.
6.Be sure you know where and how to report potentially violent situations or concerns about conditions in your neighborhood, or about conditions that could lead to violence. Ask your police department especially your community policing officer for help in identifying what to report, when, to whom, and how.
7.Consider an event that lets children turn in weapons, especially those that might be mistaken for real firearms, in exchange for public thank-yous, donated non-violent toys, books, or coupons from local merchants.
8.If there’s a family facing problems in your neighborhood, reach out in friendship and support. Sometimes people just need to know that they can talk to someone who’s concerned. Offer to take on routine chores, to babysit, to provide transportation, or just to listen.
9.Recognize that it’s already your problem if violence is about to erupt in your neighborhood.
10.Learn about hotlines, crisis centers, and other help available to victims of crime. Find out how you can help those who are touched by violence to recover as quickly and completely as possible.
11.If you see a crime or something you suspect might be a crime, report it. Agree to testify if needed.
Police in Baltimore County, Maryland, reasoned that firearm safety was no less important than traffic safety and designed a one-hour lesson plan for third graders that they now teach in 90 percent of the county’s public and private schools. Short talks are mixed with role playing to help emphasize what kids should do if they find a suspected gun (toy or real), how to resist peer pressure to play with guns, and where to turn for help. In less than one year, two children found and properly reported weapons, saying they knew what to do because of the program. Both the Center to Prevent Handgun Violence (STAR Curriculum) and the National Rifle Association (Eddie the Eagle) sponsor courses that address gun violence prevention among young people.
Terming firearms a "public health crisis," the Policy Council on Violence Prevention established by the California Attorney General has recommended sweeping changes in that state’s gun laws and vigorous enforcement of laws now on the books. Proposals include banning the manufacture of Saturday Night Special-style handguns in the state, mandating that gun manufacturers build in or provide child safety devices on all firearms sold in the state, requiring that all gun dealers register with the local police or sheriff’s department, and launching an educational campaign to promote firearms safety.
Strengthening the community
Violence anywhere in the community affects all of the community. By working on community-wide anti-violence efforts, you are protecting yourself, your family, and your neighborhood. Equally important, community policies and regulations can boost neighborhood violence prevention measures.
Work to build community standards and expectations that reject violence and other crimes. All kinds of groups—civic clubs, houses of worship, social clubs, the school system, professional associations, employee groups and unions, business groups, and government agencies—can sponsor educations efforts, conduct forums, develop community service messages for media, and create community-wide networks to prevent or reduce violence.
Emphasize prevention as the preferred way to deal with violence. Ask what schools, law enforcement agencies, public health agencies, libraries, workplaces, religious institutions, child protective agencies, and others are doing to prevent, not just react to, violence. What policies do they have to prevent weapons-related violence? How can they help the community?
Make sure that adequate services are available for victims of violence and other crimes including help in following their cases through court, if necessary, and in recovering from physical, emotional, and financial losses.
Enlist those familiar with the costs of violence—parole and probation officers, judges, doctors, emergency room staffs, victims and survivors (especially youth), local and state legislators and chief executives, youth workers, and others—in pushing for prevention strategies and educating the public about their effectiveness. Personal testimony can be powerfully persuasive.
Make sure your community offers ways people can learn about anger management, conflict mediation, and other nonviolent ways to handle problems.
Find out what positive, enjoyable opportunities there are for young people to have fun in your community. What services are there for kids facing problems? What programs help kids of various ages spend the critical 3:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. hours (when the largest numbers are without adult supervision) in safe, productive ways?
Establish policies that reduce danger from weapons, especially firearms. Make safe storage of firearms a community expectation, even a law. Ensure that licensing laws are rigorously enforced. Some states and communities have outlawed sale of weapons to those under 18 or 21. Others have imposed age restrictions on permits to carry concealed weapons. In at least one state, conviction of a firearm violation can cost a young driver his or her license.
Work with police to help community residents get rid of unwanted weapons through turn-ins, "amnesty days," and even buy backs. Join forces with other community groups and government agencies to publicize, finance, and staff these events.
Learn your state and local laws on firearms. Insist that these laws be enforced vigorously but fairly. Support police, prosecutors, judges, and other local officials who enforce laws designed to prevent gun violence.
Encourage local and state resources to go toward both prevention and enforcement.
In San Antonio, Texas, a year-long planning process brought dozens of civic leaders together and led to a 57-point plan to address crime problems in the community. Energized residents and leaders turned that plan into action, increasing services to troubled youth, involving businesses in prevention strategies, devising public education campaigns, engaging schools in teaching conflict management and mediation skills, and more. The city, within a year after implementation had started, saw a 20 percent drop in reported crime.
The Missing Peace, Inc., a community-based group that encompasses the entire Washington, DC, metropolitan area, has conducted gun turn-ins throughout the area in cooperation with the region’s police departments and sheriff’s offices. Providing a way for people to dispose safely of unwanted firearms not only reduces risks of accidents, thefts, and assaults; each weapon turned in results in $25 donated by a local business alliance to the local children’s hospital’s division of child protection.
In Oklahoma, parents can be fined if their child brings a weapon to school. In North Carolina, failure to store firearms safely in homes where children are present can result in prosecution and fines. Twenty-one states have enacted laws mandating gun-free school zones and imposing sharply increased penalties for firearms possession or use in such areas. Florida and Maryland are among the states that have set up special statewide organizations to help address school-related violence, including gun use. More than two dozen states have increased judicial or prosecutorial discretion to try youth involved in especially violent offenses as adults.
Insist that local law or regulations require that confiscated or surrendered weapons be melted down rather than auctioned off or sold to dealers.
Make sure that local laws mandate the most secure possible storage of any firearm stored in a private home.
Use Crimestoppers, a similar hotline system, or even 911 to encourage reporting of illegal weapons.
Reach out to educate the whole community about ways to stop or prevent violence. Find out what’s going on now and support it. Help start what’s needed. Some ideas:
1.Promote public service advertising that offers anti-violence programs and services. Get several groups to cooperate in this effort. Include programs to help kids headed for trouble.
2.Develop and distribute widely a directory of community anti-violence programs and services. Get several groups to cooperate in this effort. Include programs to help kids headed for trouble.
3.Help spread the news about available violence prevention training and programs through groups you belong to, your workplace, and other local institutions. Invite speakers on violence prevention to talk to your club or organization.
4.Participate in public forums that allow residents to talk with elected and appointed leaders about violence prevention needs.
Work with business groups and individual businesses to develop workplace violence prevention programs that include employee training, anti-violence procedures, and physical security measures. Have explicit, written policies about possession of firearms in or on the worksite.
Talk with school personnel, juvenile officers, and youth workers to find out the nature and extent of gangs or "wanna-be" groups in your community. Support gang prevention and intervention programs. Volunteer to help keep kids out of gangs.
Work with schools, colleges, employers, civic and social clubs, religious organizations, and professional associations to create the widest possible array of resources to discourage violence. Make sure that services are accessible to those who need them most, consumer-friendly, and confidential if necessary.
Put anti-violence policies in place in your state or community through laws or regulations. Weapons control policies can include ammunition taxes, safe storage laws, ownership restrictions, laws limiting weapons in public places, zoning requirements for firearm sales, and more.
Talk with school administrators about anti-violence policies and particularly about policies to reduce possession of weapons in or near schools. Your community may want to establish gun-free zones around schools or parks.
Urge adoption of anti-violence courses that help children learn ways to manage anger without using fists or weapons. Second Step, from The Committee for children, Resolving Conflict Creatively, from Educators for Social Responsibility, and We Can Work It out!, created through Teens, Crime, and the Community, are only three of many such courses.
Enlist children from elementary grades to senior high in solving the violence problems in the school and community. Encourage them to teach violence prevention to younger children, reach out to educate peers, work with adults on community-wide problems, and identify and tackle community conditions that they are concerned about. In Kansas City, Missouri, police selected an 80-block area hard-hit by gun violence for specialized enforcement. In this area, which had a gun homicide rate 20 times the national average, a specially trained group of police dedicated their energy to checking for firearms in the course of their duties. They worked 7:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. seven days a week.
Careful attention was paid to ensuring that residents’ constitutional rights were protected. Results were dramatic—gun seizures increased by 64 percent; gun-related crime dropped 49 percent. There were no increases in crime in the surrounding area and there was no similar drop in crime in a comparable area elsewhere in the city.
Civic leaders in Mobile, Alabama, concerned about sharp increases in weapons incidents in schools, conducted a campaign in 1992 to educate the community and get weapons out of the hands of kids. "Kid With a Gun? Call 911" used billboards, bumper stickers, news stories, and public transit ads to highlight the consequences of youth handgun possession and remind adults of their responsibility for children’s and the community’s safety. Law enforcement authorities agreed to respond immediately to any call about a kid in possession of a gun.
ADT Security Systems, Inc., has provided "panic alarms" for women severely threatened by domestic violence. In participating communities, local officials determine those women at greater risk, and ADT places the alarms in the women’s homes. Using the alarm immediately summons help to deal with the abuser. Participating women must have court orders of protection and must agree to prosecute the offender to the fullest extent of the law. The AWARE program is free to participating communities.
Volunteer to mentor young people who need positive support from adults. Programs ranging from Big Brothers and Big Sisters to Adopt-a-School include mentoring as a central ingredient.
Protect domestic violence victims (and their children) through policies as well as laws that offer them prompt and meaningful response to calls for help and appropriate legal recourse.
Work with others in your community to develop comprehensive, coordinated plans that direct civic resources to deal with immediate symptoms of violence, help neighborhoods strengthen themselves, and work on problems that cause violence. Enlist all kinds of groups; compare notes to avoid duplicating efforts and to benefit from each other’s know-how.
For more information:
Jackie Aker
Media Manager
National Crime Prevention Council
1700 K Street, NW
Second Floor
Washington, DC 20006
http://www.lapdonline.org/crime_prevention/content_basic_view/8807
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When Teachers Bully
What do we do when our children are bullied by teachers? My son has a teacher who actually calls the kids wieners and makes fun of them if they are struggling. He has a mug and sign in the classroom that say “I see stupid people.”Unfortunately, this is not uncommon. You see it more often in middle school and high school. This teacher is allowed to continue because the principal or superintendent don’t really see the behavior as a problem. How you handle it depends in part on the age of the students.
If elementary school, your strategy needs to be… different than high school. Here is a general strategy. But, it will not be as effective if this is happening in high school – people tend to believe that older kids need to learn how to deal with jerks. Most of us had a few jerks when we were in school. It was viewed as a learning experience.
If you go to this page, you’ll find articles and resources that will help you deal with bullying behavior at school:
http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/harassment.index.htm
Advise the Administrators
Put any issues in writing. Write a nice polite letter where you advise the principal and superintendent about what is happening (the problem) and what you think should be done about it (your solution).
The tone of your letter should not be complaining but advising them of this problem so they can take action. If you have a copy of our From Emotions to Advocacy book, you will find sample letters in the book that will help you.
Next Step: The School Board
If this doesn’t result in a change and you can’t get the administrators to take responsibility, meet with your school board member and educate him/her. You may want to invite your school board member to have breakfast or lunch with you, then describe the problem. If you take this step, it’s very important that you have documented the problems and your attempts to resolve them in writing.
Make copies of the publication below about Harassment and provide copies to the principal, superintendent, and school board members.
There are some excellent publications from the U. S. Dept of Education and Office of Civil Rights about this issue:
- An excellent resource for parents, teachers and others who are trying to protect kids is a publication from the Office of Civil Rights, Protecting Students from Harassment and Hate Crime: A Guide for Schools. It includes a section on the definition of harassment based on disability and provides step-by-step guidance for developing a district’s written anti-harassment policy.
- Free From EdPubs.org (ED001366B) Preventing Bullying: A Manual For Schools and Communities. This document addresses the problem of bullying in schools and defines bullying, discusses the seriousness of this behavior and the effectiveness of a comprehensive approach. The Manual presents strategies for teachers, students, and parents to use when dealing with bullying situations. It also provides examples of innovative and successful approaches used by schools in different parts of the country.
Get a child psychologist to meet with the person who has power and describe the damage this guy is doing to the children. Write a follow up letter after the meeting.
However, if this is happening to older high school kids, you are not as likely to get a response that will satisfy you.
When I had jerk teachers, my parents let me know they believed in me, that they agreed the person was a jerk, that the school year would soon be over and I’d be free. The fact that they believed in me, and agreed that the person’s behavior was bad helped because I valued their opinions more than I valued the bad teacher’s opinions (or slogans on coffee cups). They also taught me that there are jerks in the world and I had to learn how to deal with them.
http://www.wrightslaw.com/blog/when-teachers-bully/
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Telling our kids not to be bullies, when we’re surrounded by them this election season
In United States, the movement against bullying is a battle cry: we’re not going to take it. Sites and programs all over the country exist solely to open up discussions about bullying and teach kids how to act with kindness. We are told teach our kids to recognize mean behavior, and we role play with them to teach them what to do.
On the surface, it looks like we want more kindness and less bullying. We cheer for the stories of moral fortitude; Upworthy videos of kindness go viral. Our country has an anti-bullying web site, run by none other than our government – the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services.
From the StopBullying.gov web site: Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.
There is so much talk about the anti-bullying movement, one would think we would all have evolved to the next level by now. It’s clear that it’s important to our parent citizens that bullying is a bad thing.
And yet.
It’s telling to see that an alarmingly large number of our population is supporting a political candidate who often calls rivals and media “pathetic” and rants against them publicly, complete with name-calling and character denigration. There is no need call him out by name; he is one of many.
This candidate made several insulting comments about a Fox News host after she asked him why he referred to women as “fat pigs,” “dogs,” “slobs,” and “disgusting animals.”
If that’s the kind of person we are going to elevate to the top office of the country, the role model we hold up to our children and say, “you can be just like him!”, then we have failed.
He’s not the only one, sadly. Across the presidential race, candidates are throwing mud so hard perhaps we should be surprised that no one has reported a concussion.
Galit Breen, author of the anti-cyberbullying guide Kindness Wins, says there is a disconnect between what we say we want and what we accept. “Many of our presidential candidates are choosing to fight people instead of issues and to name call instead of engage in dialogue. In a school setting, these behaviors would be called bullying, at best. We often tell our kids to work hard and be kind so they can aspire to be whomever they want to be; this is a hard line to toe when some of our would-be leaders are behaving in ways that are the opposite of what we are teaching them in school.”
Mothers tell their children they can be anything they want, including president. The leader of the free world. The leader every person in our military is asked to salute. This person who will represent our citizens in meetings around the world. If they are watching and absorbing the climate of the presidential race, they might grow up thinking they must be an abrasive, back-stabbing, claw-over-claw egomaniac to earn that role.
Lest we think that 2016’s race is the worst our country has ever seen, sadly, that’s not the case. Two hundred years ago, our founding fathers weren’t much better. Says 20-year veteran Indiana-based U.S. History teacher Randy Phipps:
“The animosity generated by the campaigns of Adams and Jefferson destroyed their friendship; one of the men who leveled accusations against Jefferson went to jail for slander. Today, there is no such recourse. Jefferson’s inaugural address, considered to be one of the best inaugural speeches, is always praised and highlighted for his attempt to put aside the nastiness of the 1800 election. He tried to move the country forward by stating, ‘We are all Federalists, we are all Republicans,’ a nod to the two leading parties at the time.”
After such a vile election, Congress passed the 12th Amendment, stating that the nominee to get the second-most number of votes would no longer be elected vice president.
When TV became a medium for presidential campaigns in the 20th century, candidates took full advantage of the opportunity to sling the digital mud. Everywhere our children look, there is someone being rude and obnoxious on television or the internet, and we watch blandly, dismissing the behavior with complacency.
Surely, we can’t expect our children to behave with a modicum of civility when the candidates for the leader of our country do not. How can we tell kids to be kind when they see on the news adults running for the office who berate, belittle, exclude, and mock? It’s our own fault for accepting this code of conduct. We have applauded moxie and outspokenness for the sake of outspokenness. We have shown that we believe that kindness is weakness; aggression is strength. The question is: what do we do now?
“Parents often talk to their kids at the dinner table about bullying and assume that the conversation ends there,” says Austin-based family counselor Kirsten Brunner. “I encourage parents to continue the conversation in the family room, on the roads and on the laptop. Calling out every day acts of hatred and bullying allows our children to understand that harassment and name-calling are not isolated to school hallways. It also triggers a conversation about respectful communication and civility. Children are natural anthropologists, continually observing and recording the behaviors of those around them. They might seem like they are absorbed in their play or their video games, but their ears and eyes are tuned into the words and actions of the adults in their life. They pay attention to what their parents watch on TV, how they talk about their friends and how they discuss current events. Through these observations they form beliefs about how they should treat others and deal with conflict.”
Breen adds, “We have to carefully consider what we choose to tell our children about what they’re seeing and hearing from some of our candidates. What we’re seeing—name calling, fighting people versus issues, for example—can be an opportunity to teach the non-example and to give our kids the chance to think critically. But left not discussed and not addressed, it can be a sad show of acceptance of adults not carrying out what we ask our kids to do, which is to be kind, even when we disagree with, or even dislike, someone.”
Do as we say, not as we do.
“Relationships can be harmed by hateful words whether you are a politician or a parent arguing with a spouse,” says Phipps, the history teacher. “What’s very difficult for me as an educator, and as a parent, is to show the consequences. It’s far too easy for kids today to sit behind a computer screen and anonymously say terrible things about someone else with no fear of retribution. In this regard entire reputations are destroyed.”
We watch reality shows consisting of wealthy women being hateful to each other, and millions of people are tuning in to witness the train wreck every day. Apps like Yik Yak allow teenagers to anonymously slam someone without any fear of repercussion, and we are allowing this to continue.
If that’s what we want for our country, let’s own up to it. Otherwise, we’re just paying lip service to the idea of eliminating bullying in our children.
Kristin Shaw is a freelance writer and producer of the Listen to Your Mother show, Austin. She blogs at Two Cannoli. She tweets @AustinKVS.
Like On Parenting on Facebook for more essays, advice and news. You can sign up here for our newsletter. You can find us at washingtonpost.com/onparenting.
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https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2016/03/11/telling-our-kids-not-to-be-bullies-when-were-surrounded-by-them-this-election-season/
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Bullying: What Schools, Parents and Students Can Do
Can you remember the schoolyard jingle that went, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? Obviously that was not and is not the truth. The death of Rebecca Ann Sedwick, a 12-year-old 7th grader who took her life last month in Polk County Florida proves that words are capable of harming vulnerable young children. Both physical and nonphysical forms can and do happen anywhere in the school, on the way to and from school, and even online. "Over 13 million American kids will be bullied this year, making it the most common form of violence experience by young people in the nation." (Hirsch, 2012 BULLY (Motion Picture, Weinstein Company)
According to the FBI, "Bullying remains one of the largest problems in schools, with the percentage of students reportedly bullied at least once per week steadily increasing since 1999." Additionally, cyberbullying has become more rampant and has contributed to the suicides of multiple children. The Internet has unleashed meanness to a degree unseen before. Thanks to the accessibility to the Internet and the affordability of new technology, bullies now have multiple ways to harass their victims. The current generation has the added ability to use technology to expand their reach and the extent of their attacks exponentially.
The most susceptible are also the most vulnerable. A recent report from the Interactive Autism Network found that 63 percent of children with autism have been bullied, over three times as much as those without the disorder.
Most school bullying takes place in areas that are less supervised by adults, such as on the school bus, in the student cafeteria, in restrooms, hallways and locker rooms. Schools need to create an action plan to address these spots by additional adults or using security techniques including closed circuit cameras. They can also establish anonymous reporting tools like suggestion boxes or cyberbullying hotlines where students can send real time text messages or leave a voice mail on the school website.
What Schools Can do to Prevent Bullying
School-Level and Administrative Interventions
• Increase reporting of bullying. Assess the awareness and the scope of the bullying problems at school through student and staff surveys. To address the problem of students' resistance to reporting bullying, some schools have set up a bully hotline. Some schools use a "bully box": Students drop a note in the box to alert teachers and administrators to problem bullies. Others have developed student questionnaires to determine the nature and extent of bullying problems in school.
• Establish a clear procedure to investigate reports of bullying.
• Students and parents need to know that the school takes bullying seriously and will take any actions, including arrest to prevent its occurrence.
• Develop activities in less-supervised areas. In these areas (e.g., schoolyards, lunchrooms), trained supervisors spot bullying and initiate activities such as having roving personnel visit those locations, and having closed circuit television that limit opportunities for it.
• Reduce the amount of time students can spend unsupervised. Because much bullying occurs during the least supervised time (e.g., recess, lunch breaks, class changes), reducing the unsupervised amount of time available to students can reduce the amount of bullying.
• Stagger recess, lunch, and class-release times. This approach minimizes the number of bullies and victims present at one time, so supervisors have less trouble spotting bullying. However, supervisors must be mindful that most bullies are in the same grade as their victims.
• Monitor areas where bullying can be expected, such as bathrooms. Adult monitoring can increase the risk that bullies will get caught but may require increased staffing or trained volunteers.
• Assign bullies to a particular location or to particular chores during release times. This approach separates bullies from their intended victims. Some teachers give bullies constructive tasks such as tutoring other students, cleaning up trash, involved in sporting activities, to occupy them during release times.
• Post classroom signs prohibiting bullying and listing the consequences. This puts would-be bullies on notice and outlines the risks they are taking. Teachers, leaders, and staff must consistently enforce the rules for them to have meaning. Schools should post signs in each classroom and apply age-appropriate penalties.
• Have high-level school administrators inform late-enrolling students and their parents about the school's bullying policy. This removes any excuse new students have for bullying, puts parents on notice that the school takes bullying seriously, and stresses the importance the school places on countering it.
• Provide teachers with effective classroom-management training. To address bullying, schools should ensure that all teachers have effective classroom-management training. Because research suggests that classes containing students with behavioral, emotional, or learning problems have more bullies and victims, teachers in those classes may require additional, tailored training in spotting and handling bullying.
• Form of a bullying prevention coordinating committee (a small group of energetic teachers, administrators, counselors, and other school staff who plan and monitor school activities.) This committee should develop schoolwide rules and sanctions against bullying, systems to reinforce prosocial behavior, and events to raise school and community awareness about bullying.
• Hold teacher in-service days to review findings from student questionnaires or surveys, discuss bullying problems, and plan the school's violence prevention efforts.
• Schedule regular classroom meetings during which students and teachers engage in discussion, role-playing and artistic activities related to preventing bullying and other forms of violence among students.
• Encourage parent participation by establishing on-campus parent centers that recruit, coordinate, and encourage parents to take part in the educational process and volunteer to assist in school activities and projects.
• Ensure that your school has legally required policies and procedures for sexual, racial and gender discrimination. Make these procedures known to parents and students.
• Develop strategies to reward students for positive, inclusive behavior such as pizza parties, recognition reward, certificates
Teacher Interventions
• Provide classroom activities and discussions related to bullying and violence, including the harm that they cause and strategies to reduce their incidence. Involve students in establishing classroom rules against bullying and steps they can take if they see it happening. For example, students could work together to create the classroom signs mentioned previously.
• Teach cooperation by assigning projects that requires collaboration. Such cooperation teaches students how to compromise and how to assert without demanding. Take care to vary grouping of participants and to monitor the treatment of and by participants in each group.
• Take immediate action when bullying is observed. All teachers must let children know they care and will not allow anyone to be mistreated. By taking immediate action and dealing directly with the bully, adults support both the victim and the witnesses.
• Confront bullies in private. Challenging bullies in front of their peers may actually enhance their status and lead to further aggression.
• Avoid attempts to mediate a bullying situation. The difference in power between victims and bullies may cause victims to feel further victimized by the process or to believe they are somehow at fault.
• Refer both victims and aggressors to counseling when appropriate.
• Provide protection for bullying victims when necessary. Such protection may include creating a buddy system whereby students have a particular friend or older buddy on whom they can depend and with whom they share class schedule information and plans for the school day.
• Notify parents of both victims and bullies when confrontations occur, and seek to resolve the problem expeditiously at school.
• Listen receptively to parents who report bullying, and investigate reported circumstances so immediate and appropriate school action may be taken.
What Schools Can Do To Discourage Bullying on a School Bus
1. Train the staff (including bus drivers) on what to do if they encounter bullying either in school, in-route to school or around the school.
1. Train the staff (including bus drivers) on what to do if they encounter bullying either in school, in-route to school or around the school.
2. Create enforceable rules and inform students and parents of the consequences if children or parents commit bullying. Parents at school games should not be permitted to scream at coaches or referees; if they do they should be evicted. If necessary, ban their attendance at all school events. Rules that are created need to be enforceable and enforced.
3. Rules should be posted in the school, sent home to parents and put in community newspapers so that everyone is aware.
4. All school buses should have closed circuit televisions so if violence or bullying take place, school administrators and law enforcement people would be aware.
5. An outreach to law enforcement should be made so that law enforcement people are available at the beginning and end of the school day.
6. If fights break out on the bus, consider whether law enforcement personnel should be notified and whether arrests should be made.
Cyberbullying
The word cyberbullying didn't exist a decade ago, yet the problem is pervasive today thanks to the use of social media websites like, Twitter, and Facebook. Cyberbullying is the repeated use of technology to harass, humiliate or threaten. Mobile phones may be the most abused medium. Bullies send threatening or harassing text messages, often involving sex, sexual orientation, or race. Unwelcome sexual comments and threats of sexual abuse are often directed at girls. Boys are more often victims of homophobic harassment, regardless of their true sexual orientation. Racial slurs and threats of violence also are concerns. In one U.S. study 13 percent of students reported being called a hate-related name.
Email, websites, and screen names in chat rooms are masks for electronic bullies, who can attack without warning and with alarming persistence. Several examples of cyberbullying include:
• Taking humiliating pictures of another student and sharing them with others.
• Verbally abusing another student through texting.
• Spreading rumors about a student on Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace.
• Sending emails or instant messages to their victims.
The consequences of bullying can be serious. Victims' schoolwork often suffers. Some students have dropped out of school, been compelled to seek psychiatric help, and even committed suicide as a result of the distress caused by cyberbullies.
• Verbally abusing another student through texting.
• Spreading rumors about a student on Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace.
• Sending emails or instant messages to their victims.
The consequences of bullying can be serious. Victims' schoolwork often suffers. Some students have dropped out of school, been compelled to seek psychiatric help, and even committed suicide as a result of the distress caused by cyberbullies.
What Teachers and Administrators Can Do About Cyberbullying
1. Communicate. Keep everyone affected by electronic bullying informed. Filters for Internet content do not work for most cyber bullying, but helping students combat bullying on their own does. Peer-support and parent-involvement groups also can help.
2. Encourage openness. Bullies thrive on secrecy, intimidation, and humiliation. They count on their victims' silence. Openness is a key to reducing or eliminating bullying. Urge students to talk to their parents and teachers.
3. Monitor email, Internet, and cell-phone use. Responsible adults should determine when students are mature enough to handle electronic communication -- especially when such communication may include cyber-bullying content.
4. Hold bullies responsible. Electronic bullying is a punishable offense. When cyber bullies are identified, hold them accountable. Most schools have anti-harassment policies that should extend to electronic bullying.
5. Contact law enforcement personnel to give professional development training to school staff to look for how to identify cyberbullying.
(Reproduced from Phi Delta Kappa International P.O. Box 789 Bloomington, IN 47402-0789, USA 800/766-1156 www.pdkintl.org Share the knowledge. Copies of "Confronting Electronic Bullying" may be made and disseminated (free of charge) without further permission. (© Phi Delta Kappa International)
What Students Can Do About Cyberbullying
• Don't engage the bully. Most bullies are looking for a reaction from their victims. Lack of a response can help to extinguish the bullying behaviors.
• Don't share secrets
• Protect your own privacy. Do not send pictures of yourself on the Internet.
• Think about the consequences.
• Don't respond to and don't forward cyberbullying messages.
• Keep evidence of cyberbullying. Record the dates, times and descriptions what the cyberbully says.
• Report instances of cyberbullying to your parent.
• Don't share secrets
• Protect your own privacy. Do not send pictures of yourself on the Internet.
• Think about the consequences.
• Don't respond to and don't forward cyberbullying messages.
• Keep evidence of cyberbullying. Record the dates, times and descriptions what the cyberbully says.
• Report instances of cyberbullying to your parent.
What Students Can Do To Stop Bullying
Students may not know what to do when they observe a classmate being bullied or experience such victimization themselves. Classroom discussions and activities may help students develop a variety of appropriate actions that they can take when they witness or experience such victimization. For instance, depending on the situation and their own level of comfort, students can do the following:
Students may not know what to do when they observe a classmate being bullied or experience such victimization themselves. Classroom discussions and activities may help students develop a variety of appropriate actions that they can take when they witness or experience such victimization. For instance, depending on the situation and their own level of comfort, students can do the following:
• Seek immediate help from an adult and report bullying and victimization incidents to school personnel
• Speak up and/or offer support to the victim when they see him or her being bullied (e.g., picking up the victim's books and handing them to him or her)
• Privately support those being hurt those being hurt with words of kindness or condolence
• Express disapproval of bullying behavior by not joining in the laughter, teasing, or spreading of rumors or gossip
• Attempt to defuse problem situations either single-handedly or in a group (e.g., by taking the bully aside and asking him or her to "cool it"
Things parents can do if they believe their child is being bullied
1. Talk to your child about what happened. Listen to the whole story without interrupting. Be calm and validate what is being said. Remind your child that it is normal to feel upset but it is never all right to be bullied. Ask your child what he/she would like to happen, before you make any suggestions.
2. Don't expect your child to solve things on their own
3. Deal with each incident consistently. Never ignore or downplay complaints about bullying.
4. Keep a log of the incidents, where the bullying took place, who was involved, how frequently, if anyone witnessed it. Do not attempt to confront the person or their family yourself.
5. Contact the school. Find out if the school has an anti-bullying policy. Find out if the school is aware of the bullying and whether anything is being done to address the situation. Make an appointment to speak to a school counselor or school administrator.
6. If your child asks to stay at home from school, explain that it won't help and if may make things worse.
7. Discuss bullying at school board meetings and with other parents (i.e.PTA).
Schools need to assertively confront this problem and take any instance of bullying seriously. Addressing and preventing bullying requires the participation of all major school constituencies, school leaders, teachers, parents, and students. By taking organized schoolwide measures and providing individuals with the strategies to counteract bullying schools can reduce the instances of bullying and be better prepared to address it when it happens
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/franklin-schargel/bullying-what-schools-par_b_4103901.html
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The advent of technology has brought with it familiar problems in new forms. Yet cyberbullying is unique in many ways.
What makes cyberbullying so different than in-person bullying?
An Educator’s guide to Cyberbullying and Cyberthreats defines the behavior as verbal aggression such as:
Eleanor Roosevelt described it so eloquently when she described how human rights begin very close to home. . . .
“Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home – so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person; the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college she attends; the factory, farm, or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman, and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world.”
http://www.opencolleges.edu.au/informed/features/15-strategies-educators-can-use-to-stop-cyberbullying/
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http://www.huffingtonpost.com/franklin-schargel/bullying-what-schools-par_b_4103901.html
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15 Strategies Educators Can Use to Stop Cyberbullying
The advent of technology has brought with it familiar problems in new forms. Yet cyberbullying is unique in many ways.
What makes cyberbullying so different than in-person bullying?
- It is often anonymous and unlimited by time and place so the victim has little respite from the abuse.
- There is an element of disinhibition due to anonymity where students who would not normally participate do so. It can reach hundreds or even thousands of people quickly. The victim can feel even more isolated.
- It often involves repeated episodes of aggression and an imbalance of power. The victim may feel escape is impossible.
- More females are the victims and perpetuators of this type of bullying.
An Educator’s guide to Cyberbullying and Cyberthreats defines the behavior as verbal aggression such as:
- Harassment or repeated insults through various forms.
- Defamation of a person’s character through derogatory postings, rumors, or images.
- Flaming or fighting messages using anger and vulgar language.
- Outing or deceiving someone into sharing secrets or private information.
- Polling such as posting an image on a voting website to make fun of a person’s looks.
- Impersonation or identity theft to embarrass or destroy a person’s identity.
- Cyber Stalking including sending intimidating or threatening messages.
- Sexting including sexual solicitation and/or exploitation.
- Unsafe digital communities with shared interests, such as social communities that validate eating disorders, violence, or drug use.
- Create digital citizens. Cyberbullying is impersonal in nature. It is important to teach kids that the same rules apply in and out of the digital world. Clearly teach students how to be cyber safe and savvy. CSRIU (the Center for Safe and Responsible Internet use) provides some free handouts tailored by grade level to teach students how to be safe online. Microsoft even provides a free instructional program to teach digital citizenship and ethical use of technology. Much like rules are taught, digital citizenship can be imparted through explicit teaching.
- Raise awareness. Awareness is powerful. It changes social perceptions. Rather than create panic over technology use or spread misunderstandings, awareness allows a positive atmosphere to emerge. Put cyberbullying in the spotlight in your classroom.Teach students about the psychological and legal ramifications. Explore issues like technology risks, cyber safety and positive online communities. Talk about age-appropriate cases of cyberbullying and their resolution. Showcase how technology is being used to help people in your community. Show students how they can use technology for the greater good. For instance, a new trend is creating a managed space for classmates to compliment each other on school achievements or work together on a class project.
In 81% of violent incidents someone other than the attacker knew what was going to happen but did not report it.
- Teach students it’s okay to report abuse. Students need to know that they should report abuse. The Columbine Commission report reported that in 81% of violent incidents someone other than the attacker knew what was going to happen but did not report it. It is important to break the silence surrounding cyber abuse. Victims often do not report abuse for several reasons:
- They fear retribution from peers.
- They have anxiety that adults will remove computer or cell phone access.
- They don’t think adults will know how to resolve the situation. Often, adults may respond by removing technology from the victim, which is often seen as a punishment. Let kids know it’s not technology that is the problem, but irresponsible use. Give examples of how situations where resolved that involved cyberbullying, so they trust turning to you.
- Establish firm policies. Rules regarding technology need to be explicitly taught, rather than assumed. A student should be aware of policies before a problem occurs. Create clear boundaries. Policies serve as a good way to curtail verbal aggression and establish it as an unacceptable behavior. Policies should also be specific, including any legal implications. Here is an example of a written policy address sexting, that provides clear information.
- Realize that younger generations identify more closely to their online presence. As an adult, it is easier to separate yourself from online interactions. But younger generations may have a more difficult time with this. What happens online is very serious to them, and they do not take it lightly. Their online persona is essentially the same to them as their real person. If a student approaches you about a problem, don’t try to minimize it. Find resources immediately and make it apparent that you understand it is a serious issue.
- A webinar mentioned in the Examiner, “When Cyber bullying spills into schools” recommends using a 5 prong method (The 5 R’s) when addressing cyberbullying situations. Respond always, Research facts, Record documentation, Report findings, and Revisit the issue to make sure it is resolved.
- Team Building.Team building is a powerful way to make groups behave cohesively. I once saw a group from the US Army go to a local middle school to do team building exercises. Using a rope and a few random objects, the students had to work together to lift an object. The purpose of the activity was to make all members of the class work together towards a common goal.They had to use all of their individual strengths and realize each person’s abilities were necessary to complete the task. Teachers might consider having a weekly class meeting or similar activity. Create activities that might involve students to socialize with others that they might not normally engage with. [ois skin=”In post”]
- Encourage education for teachers, administrators, and counselors. Cyberbullying problems frequently change due to the changing nature of technology. It’s important to stay up to date. A recent study in Childrens & Schoolsfound that half of school social workers felt ill-equipped to handle cases of cyberbullying. Education is essential.Many free webinars and workshops are available to educate teachers. For instance, “Guarding Kids Against High Tech Trouble” provides great multimedia training resources. There are many paid consultants and non-profit organizations that provide free resources specializing in this area. Billy Belsey, the Canadian Educator who coined the term “cyberbullying” is one such activist who provides teacher training.
- Get Parents Involved. Parents may often be unaware of cyberbullying, so it is important to report what is happening so that they can intervene at home. Some data suggests that blocking the person may be the best way to stop the abuse. A study by the Center for the Prevention of Violence, said that 70% of teens said that blocking cyber friends stopped the abuse. Educators might suggest parents buy filtering software or special phones for younger children and teenagers.
- Establish open communication with students. Students need to know who and where they can go to before a problem occurs. By the time a situation escalates, it may be too late. Students may be so stressed with their situation that they may not be thinking logically. It’s best to make resources clear and available before situations become muddled with stress. You can have an anonymous box to report cases so that students know they can feel safe to report information. Organizations such as Safe2Tell, allow students to report incidents anonymously. You might have your school establish a hotline, or contact a local organization.Knowing there is a way to report cases may also stop students from engaging in the behavior. Research suggests that a parenting style that is emotionally warm with clear limits best creates resiliency in regards to digital aggression. Teachers can follow the same example: Be clear, empathetic, and communicate openly with students.
- Allow technology in school. By incorporating technology in the classroom, teachers can focus on the ethical use of technology. Prohibiting technology often makes the problem worse. The behavior goes further underground. Teaching students how to use technology appropriately is better than having them figure it out with no guidance.
- Know when to use community resources. There may be situations that require the intervention of greater community resources such as counselors, administrators, and law enforcement. Cyberbullying needs to be taken seriously and getting the community involved may prevent larger problems.Offer counseling services to both victims and perpetuators. Let students know that it is okay to need to talk to someone. Some situations have legal ramifications, such as the distribution of child pornography and need to be reported to legal agencies immediately.
Cyberbullying policies should focus on changing school climate.
- Create a positive school environment. The National Bullying Prevention Campaign in the US, recommends establishing a school-wide approach that changes the overall climate of schools. It focuses on norms of behavior. One exceptional program at preventing violence is the Olweus Bullying Prevention Programthat focuses on improving peer relationships through a school-wide approach.It includes the support of classrooms through rules and class meetings. Some research suggests that cyberbullying may be more common in poor school environments. It is uncertain if these environments cause bullying or simply make it more acceptable. A positive classroom where individuals are appreciated and respected can spill over to the unity of the group and create a positive, understanding environment. Cyberbullying policies should focus on changing school climate.
- Interventions should focus on restoration, rather than punishment. At times, punitive interventions increased retaliation to reporting students. Policies should hold aggressors accountable for conduct and focus on making amends. Addressing the situation in a healthy way avoids further incidences. These might include teaching students about healthy relationships, responsibility and empathy. It is vital to create opportunities for forgiveness and reintegration to occur. Punishment is different than restoration in that it focuses on the rule broken, rather than the overall behavior. Restoration aims to
- Acknowledge the behavior.
- Understand the harm that was caused to the person.
- Repair or amend the harm in some way.
- Commit to change so it does not happen again.
- Establish a baseline. Some studies and programs suggest having students participate in anonymous School Climate Surveys to see the extent of bullying and other types of behaviors occurring in the school. Red flags can be identified. This can give administrators clues as to what types of things to look for and address. You may want to do this in your own classroom.
- Zero tolerance policy. Make students understand early on that bullying of any kind, including cyberbullying is unacceptable. The Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center, found that students reported “looks, not fitting in, and sexual orientation” as reasons for being targets. Students with disabilitieswere more likely to be targets of cyberbullying, than in person bullying.Teach students about being responsible world citizens who are accepting of individual differences. Make sure that groupings in the classroom allow students to work with different people. Try to create activities that build on strengths, to show students how each person has something unique to contribute. Incorporate responsible technology use. Teach tolerance and respect for diversity. An open environment is best where individual differences are appreciated.
Eleanor Roosevelt described it so eloquently when she described how human rights begin very close to home. . . .
“Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home – so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person; the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college she attends; the factory, farm, or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman, and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world.”
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